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[–]lenolaj 8 points9 points10 points 12 years ago (36 children) | Copy Link
"Pretty, successful people are self-less"
That's the stupidest bullshit I've read on reddit recently. Some worked hard for it, true, some got it as a gift on the genetic lottery but you say that they must be better people, really? Also until all people are clones living in a communist utopia there will be winners and losers. You have to play the hand you're dealt, but you have only so much you can do. Not everybody will be successful and pretty etc. because then successful and pretty would be meaningless.
[–]Idle_Redditing 2 points3 points4 points 12 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link
Quiet now, some people need to believe that all of their success was due to their own actions and not anything that was handed to them (like being over 6' tall).
[–]yankeetiger 4 points5 points6 points 12 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link
And others apparently need to believe that their happiness and success is irrevocably tied to their height
[–]Idle_Redditing 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
Apparently you haven't noticed how often being tall is treated like a virtue and being short is something that has to be made up for.
[–]yankeetiger 4 points5 points6 points 12 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link
I'm one of the shortest men I know, of course I do.
But I don't think you've noticed that complaining gets you jack shit. Do you have the balls to be a short, successful man?
[–]Idle_Redditing -1 points0 points1 point 12 years ago* (15 children) | Copy Link
What do you have that makes you able to be successful despite your height? Don't just say balls, hard work or confidence. What do you have so that taking risks actually pays off, hard work actually pays off instead of getting you screwed over, and confidence has something to justify it?
All this while a tall guy can fuck up his way to management, mismanage his way to more promotions and have women all over him while being a complete piece of shit.
[–]yankeetiger 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
A very above-average amount of charisma, coupled with the fact that I'm the best public speaker I know
[–]Idle_Redditing -1 points0 points1 point 12 years ago* (13 children) | Copy Link
I don't have any of that. I'm the farthest thing from charismatic and a terrible public speaker.
I've given speeches where I did everything right(intro, body, one point at a time, complete and concise conslusion) and it still failed. No one believed anything I said or learned anything because they were never listening in the first place. It also completely falls apart if something unexpected comes along. Then I get called lazy after busting my ass.
[–]yankeetiger 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
Who cares? Go learn a different skill, something you're good at. All I hear are excuses
[–]Idle_Redditing -1 points0 points1 point 12 years ago* (11 children) | Copy Link
You apparently don't realize that popularity and public speaking is THE most important things. Everything else is secondary compared to those. If you're good at something else and don't have those you just get screwed over.
It's also not really a skill, people are either naturals or they're not. The people who claimed that they're not naturals were and just needed to adjust to a different setting, they didn't have my problem.
You also sound like a silver spoon republican. Saying that everyone else is making excuses when you have no idea how easy you have it while ignoring the part where I busted my ass and did everything I was supposed to to be successful and got nothing.
[–]yankeetiger1 point 12 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
It's also not really a skill, people are either naturals or they're not.
You think I got these skills naturally? Fuck no. I was probably one of the most awkward boys in my school around 9th, 10th grade. I learned how to be charismatic through hard work and failure. I made speeches that crashed and burned.The difference between someone like me and someone like you is this: I am willing to fail for as long as it takes.
All you are doing is making excuses.
[–]Idle_Redditing1 point 12 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Were you really awkward in all settings or just when giving speeches? Did you actually have lots of friends and were somewhere around the top of the hierarchy among them?
Also, how do you work at being charismatic? Whenever I tried doing that I would end up repelling the few people who would be decent to me because of how fake it was. How do you have people not see right through it and be repelled by it being so strained and fake? Typically by getting told the "you're trying too hard" speech.
Absolutely I was awkward in all settings. I had pretty much no social network, which isn't surprising because when I was younger I was overweight and wore nerdy glasses, in addition to being short. I was a fuckin' dweeb. The few friends I had, I hung on to like they were gold and I'd always go along with whatever they wanted.
You have to want to provide value to other people. Don't do it because you think you have to. Whenever you go out to do something interesting- and you should do this often- you need to invite people along. Whether or not they come doesn't matter; you are an interesting man who does cool things, and the people you meet are welcome to come along for the ride. This is the mindset that begets charisma. Talk to people wherever you go, not because you want to develop a skill, but because you are truly interested in others' perspectives, as you know that they'll make you a more complete, cultured man.
I've tried that. When people did come along someone else ended up taking the top dog position from me and ended up with the other people thinking he invited them and did everything (someone else getting all the credit).
Also, you're talking to people part didn't work for me. They would just go on and on when I was willing to listen and it ended up being low value. Asking them questions about themselves or getting them to say more just made it worse.
They hardly ever listened whenever I spoke and I would never get the lead in the conversation much less get then enamored with me (that's what charisma is).
Not to mention the women thinking I was such a nice guy. You must know that doesn't lead where most guys want it to lead.
edit. By being enamored I mean in the way people were in 2008 when Barack Obama would speak. Or when several strangers would meet, knowing nothing about anyone else, and one of them would have the lead and everyone else would be focused on them.
I think one of your problems is that you have trouble seeing yourself in a leadership role in the first place- I had that problem. Imagine yourself leading people; what are you doing? What is your body language like? Are you able to transition smoothly between situations and handle new stresses?
Try meditation. Get in your head and basically run a movie of you acting like a social leader. Don't skimp on the details- get really specific. If you don't know exactly how an alpha would act, you can't play the part convincingly. And that's all it is. Playing a part. You think alphas are natural, but in many cases leadership is solely learned. When you get good enough at it, people will think you're a natural!
In theory it should be impossible for me to be a social leader- I'm not physically made for it. But remember that people are malleable and LOVE to be led. If you provide the evidence of your leadership through confidence, they'll fill in the details of how exactly you got to be a leader. It doesn't matter. If you act like you're the shit, people will assume you have a good reason to. But remember- you'll experience cognitive dissonance unless you behave in a way that is in accordance with this belief. You need to get good at shit. I'm a black belt and a very proficient guitarist; without this, my confidence would be useless.
I have no idea how I would act, just that people should follow my lead. I have no idea how an alpha acts. I've seen them do so many different, contradictory things and act in so many ways that I don't know what to do (example. one person is loud and speaks clearly, another is quiet and borderline mumbling and both are in the lead of their groups). I've also seen other people do the same things and have it be weak or even repulsive.
I also have no idea how meditation would fit into this or how visualization would have any real world effect or what to do when something unexpected comes up. After all no one can think of everything that will happen, the worst being that which would threaten me being at the top.
Are you good enough at this to take the leadership position away from someone else? Even if they don't go down willingly?
Also, what are you a black belt in? I ask because some martial arts like Tae Kwon Do practically sell them for cash while others like BJJ are based on being the best at it through winning. The same goes for guitar, some people think they're great when all they do is play several chords over and over again in different combinations. My own attempts at playing guitar just got me tendonitis while nothing I played ever sounded good.
You don't need to follow a specific model for leadership behavior. Some will be loud and boisterous. Others will be serious. Many of the best leaders tend to combine these traits in situations where they're appropriate.
I have taken the leadership position from others, yes. It's never pretty; people get angry when they realize they are being usurped. You must ignore this and persist through. It won't always work, either; if they are a strong enough leader, they will know how to retain the upper hand. Again, ignore this. You need to learn over time and you should accept that it takes a certain amount of skill to lead certain people.
I'm a black belt in Kempo, which I personally would rate as an average martial art. We don't sell out for the profits, but at the same time it's difficult to maintain a dojo nowadays without lowering your standards somewhat. I've seen my school decline in quality over time, but the best students will persevere.
As for guitar, I play mainly classical, so it's not like that. Why are you even asking, honestly? If it didn't work out for you, you don't need to make excuses why it didn't. Do your own damn thing. Maybe you want to be an artist. Or a bodybuilder. You don't need to justify why you suck at certain things, but you DO need to become good at something.
How does someone actually force these traits into themselves? You said meditation and visualization but how is that supposed to do it for real and have it work under real world pressure? I've tried before and when I said it didn't work I was blamed for it.
There was also the thing you said about visualizing yourself handling new stresses and pressures to prepare for the real thing. How is this supposed to work when there's no way to plan for everything that can possibly happen or is even likely to happen?
Also how do these hobbies actually help you with a social life? I can't see it helping with people who don't do these things which leads to them only helping with a very narrow group of people who do these things.
As for interesting things to invite people to do there really isn't much outside the typical movie, concert, drinks, party circuit. Most other interesting things require some effort, skill or equipment to do so you can't just invite anyone. What do you invite people to do?
Well, you're kind of right in that you can't "force" traits into yourself. The way traits are acquired is through the process of failing many times in social situations. It's not easy by any means. You go out, test the waters, then go home and reflect on the day. You'll begin to see ways you could have been more assertive or more open. The important thing, though, is that you really push yourself and go out 3-4 nights a week.
As for hobbies, the main benefit of them is not being able to relate to other people who do them. The main benefit, really, is becoming an interesting person. It's developing passions, and passion is key. Don't do things because you think they'll win you a network; do them because they deeply interest you. You'll see that not only does having passion attract women, but it also commands the respect and admiration of other men. Men respect other men who devote themselves to their mission.
Lastly, I'd advise you to change your attitude on inviting people out; it's limiting. Be creative. I enjoy fucking around with friends in a big city, sometimes with a destination, sometimes without. Experiences can be spontaneous. I enjoy concerts and that stuff, but it helps enormously to be knowledgable about little gems in your area. I take women ice skating. I take them to this awesome café I know about that serves a dozen kinds of hot chocolate. I'll take them anywhere cool, because finding fun places is a part of my life and I just invite them along for the ride. Expand your horizons, be more afraid of familiarity than you are of novelty.
If you say it all has to be done the hard way then why did you mention the meditation and visualization? Now it's back to doing the same thing before where I repulsed people by trying too hard. How do you not repel people by getting caught trying too hard?
Also, how does any hobby make you interesting to people who aren't interested in the same thing? What about having the time and energy for it between work and doing all of the socializing? Time isn't unlimited and neither are energy and money too.
[–]shitsfuckedupalot 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
upset short guy alert
[–]shitsfuckedupalot 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
These are just the beginning stages of Rand-ian. "Aren't rich people just swell?"
[–][deleted] 12 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
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[–]shitsfuckedupalot 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Correlation does not equal causation, particularily not in anecdotal evidence. You do realize that the two party system is a sham? Elections are for entertainment. Everything they tell you about how "liberals" and "conservatives" are so different is just to divide you idiots.
[–][deleted] 12 years ago* (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]shitsfuckedupalot -1 points0 points1 point 12 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Liberal and conservative isn't a way of living. Its opinions. And it is arbitrary. So if you are very concerned about money, it would make sense you have more of it. That doesn't make anyone happier or better.
[–][deleted] 12 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]shitsfuckedupalot -1 points0 points1 point 12 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
so there are no liberals that have money? Again, correlation=/= causation. I dont know how plainly this should be stated. If thats the life decision you want to make, go ahead, but don't give others grief for it. Particularly when they point out how mundane, flawed, and generally overly wordy the philosophies of Ayn Rand are. Particularly, what is even more flawed is that the conservative and religious right loves Ayn Rand. Reading Atlas Shrugged will not make you $8 million instantly.
[–][deleted] 12 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]shitsfuckedupalot -1 points0 points1 point 12 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
why would you reply to my comment when you admit you don't know a fucking thing that you're talking about? "what it really comes down to" is that the person you described literally doesn't exist. There is not a single person on earth that thinks that. Maybe the reason you aren't happy has nothing to do with how you vote. Maybe it has to be that you're a dim witted simpleton with the comprehension abilities of a cockatoo. Heres a tip: save your "epiphanies" for your friends after you hit the bong. They might just cut you some slack and call you a dumbass. Then you'll sit quietly and not bringing anything else up, like a good little american.
[–]LordDongler 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Also until all people are clones living in a communist utopia
That fucking sends chills down my spine. Don't do that to me, man.
[–][deleted] 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]lenolaj 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I didn't do it for points I just got lucky because my comment was among the first ones and wasn't buried. And those points are not that much (that comment has 15 upvotes and 7 downvotes ATM, seriously is that successful karma whoring?) And yep, you are right that I'm prone to finding excuses... I'm aware of that. Still don't agree that "successful people are selfless" though.
[–]cavetroll3000 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
While I agree that lazy, fat fucks (I'm one of them) are selfish for not wanting to put in the work required, there is people that just frankly have fallen from the ugly-tree, and hit every branch on the way down, but they aren't necessarily fat or lazy. There is more ways than being fat to make a person ugly. The genetic lottery does have its winners and losers.
Edit: grammar and comment: I'm a lazy, fat fuck, but I've started working out. By newyears I'll be lean... hopefully.
[–]TRP Vanguard: "Dark Triad Expert"IllimitableMan 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Like them niggers who never brush their teeth and their gums never recede.
Or those who don't get fat because they're ectomorphs which helps with the square jaw and abs.
Guys with weird coloured eyes girls love.
Guys who age slower in their skin.
Your intelligence is largely genetic.
There's loads of variables genetically speaking, equality is an idealistic myth. And of course the genetics of your parents often determine your living environment growing up, your opportunity. It's all synoptically linked. Takes a maverick to break free, and being born in the right country.
[–]Pushnikov 1 point2 points3 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I see where you're trying to go with this, but you need to step back a bit.
However, that does not make pretty or successful self-less or hard working.
If someone calls someone else shallow, it shouldn't be hard to show that other person they're not shallow. "I took care of my mother on her deathbed for 3 years because she was sick.", "I saved a puppy the other day because it was going to die.", "I volunteer at a homeless shelter.", "I gave a dude a blowjob because he was cute." Ok, maybe that last one is shallow. If the person being attacked really don't have anyway to prove they're not shallow, then they just might be shallow. But it doesn't prove or make the offender not shallow or have some moral high-ground over the other person.
Best retort, "Ok, I might be shallow, but what's your best quality?" Probably sitting on their ass watching reruns and calling other people shallow.
If you don't really have something in your pocket to pull out and say, "Ya, I'm not shallow. You're just pathetic." Then I can recommend some community activities that will make you feel awesome for helping people.
[–]just_a_handsome_guy2 points 12 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
My sister was this person, word for word. Single and angry at everyone else for her not getting any men. 3 years ago, she hit the gym, changed her lifestyle, and lost about 80lbs. Cleaned up her act and now she is living with a dude that makes really good money. Tuesday they are leaving to travel Europe for the next 3 weeks.
[–]Piroko 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
"I've just had an apostrophe."
"I think you mean an epiphany."
"Lightning has just struck my brain."
"Well that must hurt."
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I would NEVER expect a Hook reference on this subreddit. lol.
Nicely done.
[–]Piroko 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"Good form."
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