Ok, this might be a bit long, so bear with me.

A few years ago, I had my first girlfriend. It was a complicated situation: she approached me, while still with her boyfriend, saying that she could turn me on without even touching me. I felt on top of the world and of course I accepted the challenge. She told her boyfriend she had cheated on him, he got pissed, she left him for me, and two months later we broke up. We never spoke again.

Then I met another girl. She seemed nice, but I wanted to take it slow (I thought that by taking it slow, the "magic" that had dissipated so quickly with my first girlfriend would last longer). For 3 months, we did not make our relationship 'official', and we went out once a week. After the 3 months, we assumed that we were together, and it was good. Until 6 months later we broke up because I found out she was cheating on me with 4 different guys. Needless to say, we never spoke again.

For 6 months, I was so upset about what had happened that I didn't go out with my friends, didn't do anything. All I did was study/work. Then, all of a sudden, something popped, and I decided to change my life. I went out with friends to nightclubs and all that good stuff, but I didn't feel "whole", I still longed for that relationship. So 3 months later, I met another girl. This one, we were together for 2 months. Her family was going through tough times, and so I was her only support. We saw each other almost every day, we spoke almost all the time (phone, text, etc.) Two months later, she walked up to me and said "Hey, I'm sorry, but I don't think this is going to work. I appreciate all you did for me, but we can't stay together. We can still be friends though." Our 'friendship' lasted 2 weeks. After that, she avoided me with all her strength.

Fast-forward a few months, and I meet an amazing girl. It actually seemed like a Hollywood story. We met at the metro one Sunday evening, went out the following weekend, and had been together ever since (we met on September 20th, 2015). Now, granted, our relationship was very difficult. We barely saw each other (for a number of reasons), but we made it work. Of course we had our bumps along the way, but we were together, and (stupid me) I actually thought we would stay together, get married, have kids, grow old together (the usual 'in-love' non-sense). But then, 1 day1 before our 1 year anniversary, she says she wants a break. I told her no, that I will not be her second option (she wanted a non-exclusive break, but I told her I won't wait for her to make out with whomever and then decide that she wants to get back together). So we broke up, with the promise of getting back together when we could spend more time together (that would happen in 7 months). It actually seemed though like we might get back together, since our conversations hadn't changed, we still spoke all the time. Now mind you, for the past 2 weeks, I've been trying to see her somehow, but she says she is always busy. And then yesterday, she texts me "I haven't seen you in a while, I'm starting to lose feelings... I mean, one day we might still get back together, but just, right now is not the time". Obviously, I get upset. Not at her, at myself for actually believing that we would get back together. I've given her the chance, she basically despised it and threw it back at me. Now, I am moving on.

Over the course of these relationships, the one thing that was constant was that I cared about these women. I would go above and beyond (within my limited capabilities) to make them happy, and do whatever I could for them. That meant, even if I knew I'd be very busy with work, I'd still make time to see them (and then stay up until 4am working). When I knew I wouldn't be able to see them for a bit, I'd try and make up in other ways (I'd send flowers, and give them gifts when I did see them again). When we argued/fought, I was the first one to apologize for losing my temper. Several times, instead of hanging out with my friends, I'd tell them I couldn't (I was sick/I was travelling/I was busy with work) so I could spend time with them. I was brutally honest with them, told them everything, tried to gain their trust by not keeping secrets, and thus, I was vulnerable to them.

Not anymore. I'm done with this life for good. From now on, I'm going to focus on myself, and women are sidelined. No longer will I be the vulnerable fragile guy that does everything to see a woman smile, and is dumped a few months later on the grounds that "It isn't working." No longer will I lay out my life to women in the hopes of gaining their trust and expecting us to be together. No longer will I make the mistake of planning a life with a woman. I will let things happen, and if we do stay together, good, but if not, I won't despair. I no longer want to be/take a blue pill.

I WANT THE RED PILL.