TL;DR - Wife leaves me, claims it's to help our marriage. Was actually having an affair and trying to accuse me of domestic violence. I'm jaded and confused from 10 years of crazy. 3rd party intervenes to protect our daughter from what she's exposing her to. 5 months and $4,000 deep in court. Wife becomes even crazier. I discover the truth about her. I'm still entertaining the idea that "not all women are like that" mainly due to my limited exposure to the dating world, but the signals are there all around me. Stopped taking TBP. Haven't taken TRP. Identify more with MGTOW but still desire companionship. Recognize that I'm in denial.

5 months into separation, divorce isn't finalized yet. Married 4 years, together 10. When things started out they were great, we used to go to the gym together every day, training kickboxing, watch movies every night, fuck twice a day, not a care in the world. No drugs or drinking, just real good times. That was 2 years. Then we had a child and overnight she went crazy.

Quit my fun job at the movie store, went to work at the factory, survived the recession, went into graphic design, went back to school. Shit was hard but I did everything I could to be a good dad and a good husband. All the while her mental/emotional situation getting worse and worse, all problems being blamed on me. I believed her. I thought that her problems were caused by me. I worked too little, I worked too much, I was never around, I never left the house, always being blamed of one extreme or the other, always having to cross a never-ending series of lines in the sand.

At our worst we were unemployed, in school, living in section 8 affordable housing. I got accepted to an extremely demanding university (because I made deans list every semester and was in PTK) that had a mandatory paid internship and a lot of connections in the tech world (Google, Microsoft, Facebook, Apple, etc.) My plan was to plow through and get an internship and do everything I could to land a job.

I did. I did my 6 month internship as a software developer and then landed a nice career nearby. 3 months in we actually were evicted from section 8 because we were making too much money. I dropped out of my degree program and had a ton of debt, but I was providing a good life for my family.

But things kept getting worse.

She was gone every night. Out with friends. Staying the night at "friends houses". Going to the bar to "play darts and pool" even though she claims to be 10 years sober. Meanwhile I feel like it's because I'm not successful enough, I need to make more money, need life insurance, 401k, IRA, started going to the gym regularly again, cooking dinners, what else can I do? What the fuck?

I hit my breaking point and began applying for jobs abroad. I knew our marriage was failing and I was beginning to realize it wasn't my fault. I talked to her about it one night, suggested we think about separating and what we'll tell our daughter, she cried and went to the bar "for support from friends."

The next night we talk, we attempt to fix our marriage, we talk about ways we can improve, I agree to pressure my employer to offer me health insurance. I do. She dodges me for 3 days and comes home late again after being "out with friends." I cave and tell her I'm finding a roommate and moving out. She says she's going to go get ice cream with our daughter.

She didn't come back. At this point I realize she's not getting ice cream. I didn't bother calling her, I knew.

She comes back at midnight with a friend and some guy I've never seen before, grabs a bunch of clothes, and says we need to separate, that it's "for the best for our marriage" and that we need marriage counseling. I was stunned but ultimately agreed (since, uh... I was already planning on that). I immediately set up an appointment with a marriage counselor.

I also called an attorney because at this point 10 red flags are going off.

The next day I felt hung over. I woke up with this sense of detoxification. The apartment was silent. There was no stomping, screaming, or drawers slamming. The cat was purring next to me.

I went about my day like normal, came home, ate dinner, went to bed at a reasonable time for the first time in months. Woke up the next day feeling... even better.

Then later in the day I text her a link to information about legal separation. I tell her this is what we need to do. She says "well I think I may have been too hasty. Can I come over and do laundry later?" I say she can do laundry while I'm not home but I reinforce that I agree with her -- that the separation is best for our marriage.

At this point I realize that the separation really is for the best. I'm feeling better than I have in my entire adult life.

Two hours later I get a call from the county courthouse. My parents have temporary custody of my daughter. I won't go into details. The situation she had our daughter in was so bad, it seems, that her principal had to urge my mother to file for TCO when she was at the school helping with a Halloween party.

I knew nothing about any of it. As far as I was concerned, good. My daughter is safe for now while this mess gets figured out.

Wife comes home that night completely nuts. Her mind is racing and she was singing like a bird.

Oh, she was singing.

Turns out she was having an affair. It started months ago. Turns out she didn't leave that night because she wanted to work on our marriage. She left that night to apply for a rent subsidy... at a battered woman's shelter. She openly admitted she was trying to accuse me of domestic violence.

She tried to get me to go hang out on the couch and watch netflix. She tried to make plans for us to shop for health insurance the following monday.

I told her to sleep in our daughter's room. I locked myself in my bedroom. The next day when she was gone I gathered up all my legal documentation (birth certificates, statement of paternity, gift bonds, etc.), clothes, etc., and went to my parents' house.

4 days later she files for divorce and serves me with a "family offense" petition. I didn't even read the divorce papers before I took my ring off. I knew. Good.

I learned more about my wife by speaking with my landlord, my daughter's teachers, and my parents, than I did when I was slaving night and day for her for the past 10 years. There are facets to her that I did not even know existed. Her insanity was more extreme than I had ever imagined.

Fast forward to today, 5 months later. My parents still have temporary custody, I'm still living with them but have a fully furnished apartment just sitting there waiting for when the judge grants me physical custody. Wife has 8 hours a week supervised visitation. I even have the cat.

I poke on Tinder every day. I don't know what I'm looking for. I definitely don't want another marriage. I don't even want a fling. I don't even want to date. I just want someone to talk to and live my life with. Someone to share the good times with. Someone to cook, watch movies, plan vacations, and hit the gym with. I'm also acutely aware of the affect a relationship will have on my daughter and I have to be extremely precautious to protect her from the fallout of a potential disaster.

I doubt I'll find that on tinder.

90% of girls on tinder look like catalog models or have pictures of them bungee jumping off the Vatican, hiking the pyramids, drinking rainbow colored fluids at the bar, have PhDs, are grad students. About 25% of them blatantly say "be over 6 feet, have a beard, have a dog, have a pickup truck."

Less than 10 of them have seemed like genuine, domestic, good-hearted people who are just looking for companionship.

Now, I'm realistic. I'm a 30-something who's technically living with his parents. I'm not an "alpha", but I'm successful, active, attractive, and good-natured. I don't expect (nor really want) girls to be climbing through my window at night, but so far the only two people who've chatted with me were (1) a fat nurse who lives 60 miles away, and (2) a triathlete mom who texts way too fucking fast and obviously has a rotation of 50 matches that she texts with throughout the day.

The 18-22 range are just... no... 22-25 year-old range are obsessed with drinking and traveling, the 25-32 year-old range look like models, have graduate degrees, are looking for Chads, or have multiple children, the 32-40 year-old range actually looks like they are 40+ and almost all have multiple children.

Of course, this is tinder. Tinder is probably the most rotten subset of an already rotten subset of a vile demographic in this day and age.

The single woman.

I'm still in denial. Mainly because I feel rejected and alone. Help me overcome.