Own Your Shit

AkrasiaMonkess · 2020-04-17T04:12:02+00:00

You're not the only girl who reads MRP to improve herself.....

Just remember that it's geared to guys and so you have to tailor their advice according to your needs as a woman. There's a lot in there which won't work for you because of your gender and could backfire and make you become unattractive. But there's also advice which I am convinced isn't male exclusive and benefits both genders. I feel I have a good grasp on what is applicable for my gender and what is not. Take your time to filter their teachings with what I have said in mind.

FridayNapBasket · 2020-04-17T00:47:05+00:00

I also found that sub first. And I love your enthusiasm. I wholeheartedly believe that one person, by taking responsibility for his or her own behavior, can greatly influence and improve a relationship.

I also think it's important to keep in mind that any behaviors you change should be for the right reasons- to feed your spirit, to be more authentic by letting go of your coping mechanisms, and to appropriately prioritize your relationship. You'll find this theme in No More Mr. Nice Guy, and all over pop psychology - Brene Brown, the Gottmans, and of course Laura Doyle.

In that sense I think it's awesome that you're taking this time to focus on and take care of yourself, and in turn you can be fully present with your boyfriend.

That said, I don't think it's a good idea to "dread" your man. The lifeboat, or the rope, or whatever they call it over there doesn't feel the same to men as to women. That's foundational in RP theory, and I am guessing it's one reason you're getting some downvotes.

In my opinion, your time is better spent reading the Surrendered Wife than listening in on the men's locker room. It may be a hard pill to swallow, but that's kind of the point.

Ana_Compudah · 2020-04-17T01:03:23+00:00

Stats

F26. Married 4.5 Years with Sexy Christian Man who has beta tenancy, but my red pill journey has brought out more Alpha qualities in him. I have a 1 yr old daughter and I am currently 10 weeks pregnant. Work full time making 50k a year. Before my recent pregnancy I weighed 150-155lbs. 5.6, I have hips and am broader ontop. Worked out at the gym lifting weights and running about twice a week before pregnancy. Now I do about one session of Pilates a week during my pregnancy.

Lockdown

Working with a one year old and being pregnant is f-ing chaotic. When I have big projects and need to focus, I start work at 6:30 am until 1 year old wakes up around 8. When I do this, I am able to take an hour and a half out of my work day to spend with little one. Been cooking more often for the whole family. Been keeping up with chores now that the commute is cut. Sex more frequently too.

Physical: Pilates once a week is even hard for me, I am constantly fatigued and nauseas with the pregnancy. I have been washing and styling my hair every other day, today I did my nails and I have been keeping up with foot hygiene (removing dead skin from around toenails, scrubbing feet with a foot grater, filing nails, and using a foot scrub. Also brows on point, bikini trimmed, facial routine always, and wearing flattering clothes that leave my husband looking for more underneath. I.e. a loose crop top, silky cheeky pj bottoms, etc.

Taking prenatals, drinking lots of water, adding alot of herbs to my cooking, teas, etc.

Reading Head Strong by Dave Asprey about hacking your Mitocondria through lifestyle, supplementation, and other bio-hacks; for optimal brain functioning and wellness. Works cited.

Mental Health, Reading and Introspection

I put in a lot of hard work in prior years so just practicing what I've been taught through behavioral therapy. I got off an antidepressent I was on for postpartum depression when I found out I was pregnant. I have had 0 panic attacks since. It's almost like the anti-depressant along with renewing my mind has allowed me to continue the thought patterns of non-anxious thinking.

Practical

With our tax return, and stimulus check and 1.5 year of agressive 2k a month payments I have just paid off my student loan. This is a huge accomplishment because my husband gave me the full responsibility to pay this off myself with our budget allocated between both our incomes. He paid most of the bills, I bought all the groceries and leftover was for me, so I could have been extremely irresponsible and taken longer to pay this off. But now we are reaping the benefits of being debt free and able to progress our future.

Entrepreneurship

Investing in index funds with leftover stimulus/income tax money. I also resell clothes on poshmark. I have a lot of name brands from highschool/college that I frivolously purchased. In one year I made about $600 from something that took little work in imaging and packing items. I have been buying all my clothes from poshmark as well, so the money made from selling the clothes, I've been able to use to buy new ones as needed. Practical things like a rain coat, found a davids bridal dress in my size for my friends wedding, etc.

Short term goals. I will leave Lockdown having:

Finished Head Strong

Ana_Compudah · 2020-04-17T01:11:45+00:00

Hi. Where is the style section of 60 days of dread? I am curious about the push up bra thing, as I got rid of my push up bras as I didn't want my boobs to look bigger than they actually are, but focus on the natural shape and perkiness.

DoctorNini · 2020-04-17T13:24:37+00:00

I would absolutely love it if we could make this a fixed weekly thing as well!

EDIT: Might as well contribute :) EDIT2: Oh no, forgot to mention the family!

Stats

28F, married to 29M for 3 years. Two sons, almost two and seven months. Height 5'7, weight 134 pounds. Husband used to be naturally alpha, we embraced MRP/RPW together before our marriage. Both working in the medical field, him in residency, me in a PhD trajectory with two side jobs. We are generally a great team.

Lockdown

Although the lockdown has helped me focus on what's important (husband, kids, finishing my PhD), it also stresses me out. I love going outside and being social, and really miss the interaction with other adults. Additionally, my housekeeper doesn't want to risk getting sick so she won't come, so I have to do all of that in addition to the kids and my own work while my husband works crazy shifts in the hospital. It's overwhelming, to say the least, and I'm trying my hardest to keep a good schedule and manage everything.

Physical

Since my second son was born, 7 months ago, I've been training at home with a post partum workout plan. This has worked wonders, as I am now back on prebaby weight with actual abbs shining through (so happy!). My body has changed though, as my hips and thighs are bigger and my stomach more loose. I'm not sure whether this is the normal consequence of having two kids in 1.5 year, or whether I should push myself harder. Any input is welcome! I don't think losing any more weight is a good idea, as I am still breastfeeding. Still, I would like to get down to 128 (my wedding weight) in the future.

Mental Health, Reading and Introspection

This is the one that I need to work on most. Keeping my mental health in a good place has been a balancing trick the last couple of years. In hindsight, I should have NEVER gotten into this PhD trajectory as it is very demanding and I'm not going to be needed it for my further career anyway, but I didn't know that at the time. In combination to that, two other 'once in a lifetime opportunities' came up that I HAD to say yes to, which results in me basically working 3 jobs, at about > 60hours/week. This in combination with two kids under two, makes me pretty constantly stressed.

To be fair, a lot of this has probably to do with my personality. I am very driven and perfectionistic, and so is my husband. I tend to push myself to my limits, which has brought me far in life, but is now leading to me constantly being exhausted. My husband knows this, and although we've discussed it by length, there really isn't much I can drop at this moment. The only thing I've "let go of" is cleaning the house, but as our housekeeper is unavailable, this is back on my plate again. I'm just trying to battle through it until I get my PhD in approximately a year.

My husband mentioned yesterday that although he was proud of how much I get done in this quarantaine, he thinks we need to plan in some self care for me too (like 2 hours a day). Although this is a lovely idea, I have no clue where to get the time from or even what to do! I had al these plans of taking up dancing lessons when the baby slept through the night, or going swimming often, but everything is closed. The only thing I can come up with is scheduling time to play the piano, which I love. Additionally, I try to take a bath with a nice facemask and stuff at least once a week, to help myself feel pretty. I think reading a book from our side bar might also be a good idea.

Practical

We have done a lot of home improvements in the house these last couple of months, so there is almost nothing to be done! I am also almost finished with any spring deep cleaning I wanted to do (I love FlyLady for this!), so this is going quite well.

Financial

We have managed to save for all the goals we have set ourselves, so I am really proud. I think I am doing a good job saving on food by cooking everything from scatch and not eating out, and buying affordable diapers and clothes for the boys (I LOVE bargain hunting!).

Relationship

As I mentioned, we are doing quite well in general. My husband is an amazing man, and we try to work together as a team. I am still so in love with him, and am still attracted to him as well. There's just one 'but'... I often feel like he doesn't look at me the same way he used to. Like he is less proud, less in love, less happy to be part of our marriage. We have talked about this, and he has said that it has more to do with him being stressed and feeling unhappy in general because he gets overwhelmed, and less with his feelings towards me. Still, it hurts me when I feel he is somehow dissappointed in me/our life. I've tried many things (more sex, more cooking, complimenting him, etc etc), but it doesn't seem to work. I think I just need to leave it to him to work on his own mental health and this will help in him appreciatting me more/liking me better, but I find it hard to let go. Any advice would be greatly appreciatied.

Family

I absolutely love having more time to spend with my sons. The youngest is now at an age where he is much easier to handle in combination with the eldest, which is great. However, I sometimes wonder if I shouldn't spend more time on his development. With our oldest, we were very focused on reading him books and helping him in all his growth steps. With the youngest, we are more reactive to what he does, as there is more to handle. The oldest is reaching his 'terrible twos', which can be frustrating at times. I would like to focus more on his positive sides, and to not feel like I am reprimanding him every few seconds. I'll try and do at least one 'fun' activity outside with them each week (like a long walk, going to the park, feeding the ducks, etc), because although we go outside a lot, it's mainly 'just' playing in the field outside our home.

Short term goals.

Read 'Fascinating Womanhood'

Have at least one fun outing with my kids a week and focus on the development of our youngest

Stick to my work out plan

Do something just for me at least twice a week (self care)

Remind my husband daily of how great he is

mojo-jojo02 · 2020-06-19T06:50:58+00:00

Love your enthusiasm! I've been doing keto and IF for a few weeks now too for weight loss and feel great. Everyone should come out of quarantine improved physically if not also mentally and emotionally.

Title	Own Your Shit
Author	Ana_Compudah
Upvotes	4
Comments	18
Date	April 16, 2020 9:14 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/g2ntmn/own_your_shit/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/own-your-shit.653944 https://theredarchive.com/post/653944

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