A few years ago I was reading /r/mgtow daily. I was in my early thirties and had had my fair share of woman hurt. I would take walks during work and one day this cutie starts saying hi to me. She initiates conversation enough times until we begin talking on a regular basis. I start to catch a crush and decide to ask her to lunch. We have lunch and I feel it goes pretty well, but I couldn’t get a good read on her so I decided to back off a bit. A few weeks later she shows up at my office door. She says she’s been busy and we haven’t had a chance to talk and such. I figure this is kind of an indicator so I start talking to her again. Later I ask her out for a proper date and that’s when she says she has something she’s been meaning to tell me: she’s married. I told her I didn’t see a ring and she says she doesn’t wear it at work because she left it in the bathroom once after washing her hands. Sure. She says we can still hang out, but I ended up quitting the job shortly after and ghosted her. The first few months were fine. Then I started thinking about her more and more. I just felt I needed more closure than I got so I emailed her. She brushed off my attempts to actually talk, but did give a half-ass apology for leading me on. The quarantine has given me plenty of time for all this to sink in and reflect. It’s become clear to me I was nothing but a boy toy to her. A distraction during her day job until she could go back to her husband. Whether I could have fucked her or not is completely irrelevant. I thought I was making a real connection with a person and it was total bullshit the entire time. I still find myself questioning my own sanity and if I know what flirting is and how to read social cues. I genuinely consider what she did psychological warfare. I don’t wish her harm or anything, I don’t think that’s a healthy way to live. I just don’t think having a romantic relationship with a woman is a game I want to play anymore.