i dont think i had ever a pickme phase tbh but i recently had a situationship that taught me i too am an idiot.

he was 4 years older than me. i was in college and he already graduated and had a job. when we first met (at a college party 🚩) we exchanged contacts and then texted. we went on 2 dinner dates and then i decided to ghost him w no explanation. he became very invested then asking to call and talk etc etc. he asked for one more shot and i agreed to go on one more date.

he started saying a bunch of words like ‘if u were anyone else i wouldve let this go but i cant’ and ‘youre really cool youre smart, funny and cute’. and said so much more. we started seeing each other for like 2 more dates and he love bombed me w gifts. i was a virgin and i told him and when we slept together everything changed. he was slow and patient w sex, he took care of me losing my virginity like he didnt shove it in or anything. but everything changed after that.

the efforts become close to nothing, wed just meet up at his place. when i was on my period wed just hang out at his place and smoke hookah (nothing ever happened). he wasnt that interesting and i carried most of the conversation seeing i was the only one w a personality.

when spring break came i left the state and wed call here and there and text. the night i got back from spring break he asked me to spend the night w him. it was late and he didnt even try to sleep w me we just caught up and went to sleep. i was confused.....did he just want a person next to him or did he like me? maybe ease of access for the morning? 🚩🚩🚩 i shouldnt have responded.

when the lockdown came on our state i was still at college but before i went home we spent a few days together at his apartment (i was really dumb dont judge me) before i went back to my place and i packed and went home. we have not spoken a word...a singular word since lockdown (so like nearly 4 mo). i tried to rationalize why (i was in denial, i didnt think I could ever get ghosted. its never happened). thankfully i had enough pride to not contact him and basically acted like he died. i deleted his number and currently am debating on deleting him on insta.

the worst part is i didnt even like him that much....he was just cute. there was NO emotional attachment whatsoever from my end but i wanted there to be from his end. but im proud of myself for a few things: i never made seeing him a priority, i only saw him twice a week basically. i refrained from opening up, mostly cuz once when i did he tried to give me his fucking advice. And lastly i never built any emotional attachment and i knew i didnt genuinely like him.

lessons ive learnt: im probably gonna be celibate till im married after this. sex is good but id rather refrain for religious reasons (this was a lapse in judgement phase). conversations w a man should not suck. never going over to his place unless to see the conditions he lives in.(typical mattress on the floor type of guy). never see someone in a different phase of life than you. never see someone who isnt smarter and knows things you can learn from. tone down any enthusiasm w him. this situationship lasted from january to march. thats way too long so its never happening again, first date if hes not it im cutting it off. just cause hes ‘chill’ and seems to ‘like you’ is not a reason to go out w him again. dont do situationships and many more. lets just say i learnt alot and finding this subreddit solidified the lessons i learnt.

im focusing on leveling up now, men waste time. im focusing on my engineering degree, my student orgs, building connections and learning about the world. im working on maintaining meaningful friendships and leveling up mentally and physically. i was out of that mans league to begin w and tbh im offended he thought he had a chance. never letting a man im cuter and smarter than try me again.