Growing up as a woman, both subliminal and obvious messages in the world point to beauty = value. Being a "10/10" is the highest level of womanhood in the eyes of the majority, whether or not they will admit it. Women who are one of the guys yet still attractive are also put on a pedestal. I know many people will also agree with me on this: Growing up, we dealt with men who LOVE women who are into beer and video games and shame female dominated hobbies. While it's great men and women can be friends and hang out (I have many solid, long term platonic friendships with men) this also breeds toxic ideas about how women are valued. Around adolescence or even younger, we feel shame by men for enjoying things like Twilight at a young age, or whatever boy band, because it's mocked to death as frivilous and stupid.

You ever been told not to do something because men don't like it? Or get praised for doing a domestic task well because you'll make your mother or MIL someday happy. Yet at the same time, it is normalized that married men will fawn over the 10/10 super model because that's jUsT wHaT mEn Do its BIOLOGY LOL. It's because women aren't seen as people. We are fed a lot of messages about how we should be as women, and it is usually in relation to male pleasure/male gaze. We subconsciously internalize it. At the core, being a pickme is selling yourself to men as a valuable product. The world commodifies women in media/advertising, dating, porn, sex, ect. We learn to fit this mold in adolescence, and have to come to the light at some point to break out of it. Pickmes don't. The pickmes are the ones who haven't conquered the years of socialization. Unfortunately they still fully internalize the message that they are commodities that we embraced during puberty.

Because the pickme doesn't look like a filtered instagram model, or fulfill some other male fantasy that guys find hot.. The pickme will brand herself as a cool girl to sell to men so they can value her. This is her defense mechanism for being fed the lies that we've been told about happiness. Instead of realizing most men don't see us as people, but merely products to fulfill a fantasy or a void, they will market themselves to win love and attention. The women who openly post that they are ok with their bfs watching porn, defend misogyny, ect. are literally just walking advertisements for men saying "Hey, buy this product [me] because it's a really fair price and you don't have to worry about all that extra maintenance like the other ones on the shelf" The classic pickme "not like other girls" is them trying to differentiate themselves from the rest for the sole purpose of male approval. Tragically, pickmes allow the world to dehumanize them.

As we level up, and make choices in our own lives, double check with yourself that it will bring intrinsic value. Women well into their 40s and 50s do things hoping men will find it hot. I hear women at my job still say shit like "I hate pink" and "Guys are easier to get along with than women" They say these things, and it's so obvious how deeply the socialization runs. Hating a color, and hating friendships with women your OWN SEX is not an intrinsic thought. That is purely influenced by feeling like a commodity in a world that treats us as things to play with. As we level up, we must check in with ourselves that we are breaking that mold.

Also be careful to screen your partners for how they value women. Are you finding that the guy you are dating is so impressed or happy that you also play video games, into cars or whatever the fuck? For women into male dominated hobby(s), take note of your mans behavior. He might value the idea of a super cool girl to brag about, rather than an actual relationship with you. Men are superficial af, and women may easily mistake love for superficial excitement. Does he act all impressed that you cooked for him, and exclaims that women just don't cook anymore? What about when you talk about YOUR interests? Observe how engaged he is when you talk. Red flags are if he doesn't ask questions, lets you talk then changes the subject instead of commenting on your interest. Men who just wait for you to finish your sentence just so they can talk again should be a deal breaker, and those are the kind of men who only superficially value you - because you're not a human, you are an addition to their life like a trophy in their eyes.

Remember, a lot of immature men have ideal fantasies about having a hot arm candy wife who cooks, cleans and can do all the cool guy things hes into. I met a lot of couples who bonded over a mutual hobby, but had a really bad relationship. Also since having the guy take initiative when it comes to dates is a vital strategy here, really watch what kind of dates he is taking you on. Is he into race cars and keeps taking you to see races even though you haven't indicated an interest in it? Is he hitting you up to the see the next Marvel movie when there's like 5 other good movies playing? Sis, has he even asked you what you do for fun and incorporated that into a date?

Sometimes its sweet when a guy wants to introduce you to a fun hobby he has that you can do together. But if you're finding that you love art, and he still hasn't picked a night he's free to go to an art museum with you, you are in trouble. I find these kind of relationships are more common in adolescence, but as we know, a lot of dudes never grow up so be on the look out for this kind of shit.

You MUST differentiate the guy who values you as a human vs valuing you as a product. Some LVM will be a HVM in disguise for the attractive girl who is into his hobby (or just attractive girl in general) And make sure the choices you make in your life are true to yourself - and not just the residual socialization we escaped.