It’s been three years since we broke up. We dated nearly three years. During those dating years, he never expressed that he envisioned a definite future with me and would respond with “I’m not sure”.

Just before we hit the two year mark, he needed a break so we didn’t see one another or really talk for a month. After the break, he took me home to meet his family. He had never introduced a girlfriend to the family before. Things seemed like he was interested in a future with me. Until three months later, he needed another break. We’d go a month without seeing one another or talking much. At the end of the month, we’d chat and then go no contact for another month. This went on for four months. Looking back now, obviously I should have ran as fast as I could at the first break.

During the last year of our relationship before he broke it off for good, he started tearing me down but he would sandwich it between compliments. He would tell me how great he thought I was since I grew up poor in a single parent family and put myself through college while working full time. But also he did not like how we grew up differently since we had different mindsets. He did not like the amount of student loans I had and a few poor financial choices I made in my early 20s. He was really lucky to have to both parents growing up in an upper middle class home who paid for his college.

He also told me he wanted someone who was in better physical shape who could do more active things with him. Granted I was overweight but I had already been losing weight and dropped thirty pounds at this point.

I took the breakup really hard since it was confusing to hear how great I was but not great enough that he wanted a future with me. He made a comment once during our break that he hoped it worked out between us. So of course I took that to heart and brought it up when he told me we were completely done a month later. He backtracked in that statement and said he never should have said it and that I needed to move on. He even sent me this movie clip. https://youtu.be/KIsAH4rSGNo

He told me he thought there was a better fit for him. This hurt at the time but completely agree with it now. He wasn’t the right fit for me either. It took me several months to rebuild my self-esteem. I got a new job and a big raise (another thing he mentioned, that he made nearly twice as much as I did and I think he was jealous that I was able to land my dream job while he would continue to interview just to receive the “thanks but no thanks email”). During our last conversation, I told him I had interviewed recently for a job that would take me out of state for three months of training. He said “Are you coming back? What if you meet someone out there?” He literally just broke up with me and now he’s concerned...

I moved on and my life has greatly improved. I’m genuinely happy and know my self-worth.

Out of the blue, I received an email from him:

“I know it’s been a really long time and I hope you’re doing well despite the craziness of our world lately. I’ve thought a lot about things and just want you to know that I still think about you. I don’t know if you’re married or in a serious relationship, but based on our last conversation, you said I should reach out if I had any thoughts about wanting to talk with you so here I am. I realize that was a long time ago and feelings/circumstances could have changed your mind about wanting to hear from me, but I’m putting myself out there to see.

I don’t really know what to expect and I understand if you need time to think about it, but if you’re interested in talking just let me know. Hope to hear from you.”

They always try to come back when they fail at replacing you. Or they replace you but try to come back when that doesn’t work out. Hell, my ex before this guy left me for another woman and then tried to cheat on her with me last year. No thank you.

Anyway... I guess the point is they always try to come back. Do not let them. You’re better than that. Don’t engage.