Breaking up

blucowz · 2020-03-29T23:27:39+00:00

If he hasn’t done anything directly offensive I’ll just tell him we’re not compatible and it’s not working out. You don’t have to go into detail why; you don’t owe him anything.

myousername · 2020-03-29T23:59:59+00:00

I recommend having it in writing that the relationship is over and that you do not want to be contacted. This strengths your legal case in the event he attempts/successfully harasses/assaults you in the future. There have been times where a guy was sexually harassing me at work but HR didn't believe me since I had no "proof" that I told him to leave me alone, because I had told him verbally. If an ex-boyfriend stalks or rapes you but there isn't any written evidence of your breakup, the police will dismiss it like "how can we even be sure you were broken up at the time? You could be making it all up!" Unless you have it in writing, they will assume you are lying and that it was consensual.

For unwanted advances at work, I send them a text message or email: "I am not interested in any kind of relationship apart from a professional one. Effective immediately, please do not contact me unless it is work-related"

For breaking up, I simply text: "This relationship is over. Please do not contact me anymore"

Don't believe people who tell you it's bad to break up over text message, or that you "owe him closure" or any kind of in-person final conversation. If the guy is even slightly controlling, manipulative, or abusive, a text message breakup is for your own safety. At best, talking in-person only gives him an opportunity to manipulate you into taking him back; at worst, it gives him an opportunity to hurt you. You don't owe him an explanation. If your relationship is on the rocks, he probably knows what he did wrong and will see it coming.

2020-03-30T00:21:49+00:00

[deleted]

Leolikesme · 2020-03-30T00:25:33+00:00

Thanks for your advice. Yes I am fine with breaking up over text. If it were done to me it would be totally okay (less humiliating that way).

szsunshine · 2020-03-30T00:40:13+00:00

If you feel the need to say something you can try:

“I don’t feel the chemistry is there.” “I don’t see this relationship going forward.” “I don’t feel we are a match long-term.”

Be as vague as possible - if you are specific with something he has done, he will just promise to change, do better, etc. - but don’t allow him to waste your time.

Title	Breaking up
Author	Leolikesme
Upvotes	18
Comments	9
Date	March 29, 2020 8:53 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fr2wtu/breaking_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/breaking-up.679401 https://theredarchive.com/post/679401

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