Hello sisters,

Firstly, I would like to say that I am so glad to have found this subreddit. I have been reading through it and agree with so much - finally, a community that actually means to give good advice to women and not to coddle to men. Choosing who we are with should absolutely be a strict process and I think more and more women are starting to realize that.

Well, this is not exactly about dating, but I thought it could be useful to many of us that have committed that mistake and would like to repair the damage.

I am not dating a guy, I am in a committed relationship for four years. Since I got together with him when I was younger, now I am wiser and evaluating how valuable this relationship is to me and for my future. He has been since the start very committed, generous, supportive and loving but I have been noticing some red flags lately and been thinking that maybe we won't be right for each other. I am still having an observational phase, thinking about it all.

Thing is, I have had pickmeisha years like many of us and I did send him nudes during a period in our relationship which we were LDR. I thought it would be better than him watching porn in my absence and completely trusted him. In fact, I still do trust him, but learned to not completely trust any men, and that is exactly why I would like him to delete all of that. I regret doing it, I don't want it used against me, I don't want him to have that power over me. No man is a sweet prince that is incapable of revenge porn. Don't send nudes, girls, even to your spouse.

Now. I want to play smart with this. I don't know if they are still in his possession but I am pretty sure he is, because we know guys keep these things like their little treasure and are proud of "owning" a woman like that. Like I said: I don't want him to have that power. Since we are still together, and I do not plan to break up at least in the foreseeable future, I would like to deal with that now. I want to ask him to delete. How should I set this question, and a good climate so that he just complies? I don't want to tell him that I do not trust him but I see him asking why, and why now, etc.

Have any of you been successful with this before? I feel like I should be just able to straight up ask him if he still has them and to delete them but I also want to be sure that he does delete everything and do not see this as some kind of me trying to get out. If I know something is that men are not that smart and will do what you want but you have to do ask it the right way with the right arguments.

​

TL;DR: How to convince a man to delete your nudes and be sure they really did it?