Its so easy for us women to be impressed by a guy spending money on dates, saying wonderful promising things, pulling the chair out and 'appearing' to seem high value- because the bar is set so fucking low for them. I mean real low. Because of this, high value women's threshold for being impressed has also been driven down very low because after meeting so many unsuitable manchildren- a man displaying some mildly courteous behaviours within a month seems enough to qualify him as a potential lifelong partner or baby father- even if he's still got less going than you. Its not. In fact, often I don't think we pause enough to realise this- if you're really after a husband or a stable LTR or someone to have kids with - you should be vetting them with INTENSE scrutiny- because you're investing a lot of time and potentially some strong emotions in them. If you get it wrong at the start- you're going to find it much harder to crawl out 8months in when the feels have been set and the memories have been made. Its MUCH easier to rip the band aid off at the start when feelings just started to emerge or haven't even developed yet- you can avoid wasting your time and getting your hopes up. Because with every false start- your patience and trust is worn down & this affects your ability to trust again- even if you do meet a HVM. Its so much better for your health-to be in control over your dating life and rip that band aid off. This takes discipline and is perhaps the hardest part in order to get what you want- because you will have to turn down some very compatible men that you had high hopes or feelings for- simply because they are not in the mind-frame to settle down.

I want you to not let their initial performances blind you from overlooking niggling red flags- which is so easy to do if its been a while since we came across a guy that sparked actual interest, even more so if you find him attractive and he's 'your type' or has qualities the others were missing. Its very easy for us to get caught up in the 'ideal' or 'potential' of them- just because they ticked a few boxes in the trial stage- when they're often caught up in LUST themselves and are more inclined to do certain things to keep you- regardless of their actual longterm intentions. DO NOT let their fancy dates & gentleman behaviour overshadow other dubious behaviours and red flags- men think spending money & doing the gentleman act is enough to make us feel safe & get that guard down for longterm investment. They know that is what is required to get in your good books & get through the door. They think you'll gladly overlook their app notifications and other bullshit off-putting behaviours just because they dropped some money & made some effort- and LVM will expect pickmeishas to overlook this even if they go dutch*.* Do not think 'well he did do XYZ nice things & has took me on lovely dates- I guess I should ignore the 13 women I saw on his phone & that giant grin he had when I asked him what he did last night - it is early days after all'. SIS!! Evaluate him as a full package- not just the highlight reel. Unfortunately- some discreet fuckboys are very aware that there are certain hoops they need to jump through to keep an 'in demand' high value woman interested in them- they are quite happy to please you initially and keep up their 'performance' to reap some benefits but the cracks will begin to show- especially when they realise they have feeling & you mean business. C'mon- you all know a LVM who could win an Oscar for his HVM gentleman act.

These undercover value men know they have to be on their best behaviour to attract a high value woman & know they must spend some £££ for her to even consider looking at his resume & risk wasting her time- but they can’t keep it up long. After all- they know they’re inferior deep down. They’re put off by the fact she means business & has considerable interest at her fingertips. They know there’s a que of men if they slip up which makes them uneasy & insecure- they can’t pull the rug over this one easily- they must comply or risk losing her. They know the power dynamic isn’t set in their favour & that’s exactly why they act up- their ego feels threatened. Believe me- they know you can upgrade them. They know you sniff their weaknesses 👹

As we have said here before- nothing will keep a man unless he wants to be kept......not your amazing looks, amazing sex life, amazing personality, amazing chemistry...nothing will be enough unless he WANTS to be kept & sees you as THE prize. So he could be high value and so could you and you could have very strong chemistry across multiple departments- but if he still has wandering eyes and is fearful of proper commitment, still not wanting to be 'tied down' because of his age or friends or personal goals...it doesn't matter. He's not in the same mind frame and you're going to have buyers remorse later down the line. High value women should NOT be convincing men to be on the same page- they should get it from the start or get out of our way. Doesn't matter if he's perfect for you if 2 people aren't on the same page. He has to want this naturally....or else the dynamic is not set in your favour. We are not here to be a placeholder, or an anchor whilst they still keep their options open & decide whether there is more of you out there or whether they COULD possibly maybe get better one day. Some of these men are not as experienced in this game as you- they don't understand 'the full package' types willing to commit don't come around often- or they may have found one themselves and been ditched, so they're in revenge mode out to project their insecurities on you. Its not your job to convince him: when you already know your worth they are here to convince you.

For some men- getting a high value woman attached is just an immature ego boost or a challenge to conquer, sometimes they are just using you to 'learn the game' and level up to get more women like you, which makes them look good- even if they can't keep them around. Other times they just want female company because they're going through shit & know they can count on you, or they're feeling insecure about themselves and want someone to show off to their friends...or they just want regular sex with a HVW & know there's a heftier price to pay. There's a multitude of selfish reasons low value men will display high value behaviours to trick you into thinking they're serious & keep you around for THEIR benefit at the expense of getting your hopes up. They aren't dumb- they know if a woman is in demand and sure of herself- but that doesn't mean they are ready to commit. And its easy for the ego to want to 'believe' its the real deal and mutual- when if you put aside the 'performances' and 'nice gestures' and things you 'want to hear' that seem far more flattering than those little bothersome red flags- there's often a niggling feeling he's not up for going where YOU want to right now which is somewhere stable & certain. A lot of it is down to convenience: its convenient to keep a high value woman around since they come with a lot of status and benefits- and he knows he has someone decent there if his fuckboy antics don't work out & backfire. Never settle for this position- because you're essentially putting a lot of investment into something very precarious- you're ignoring potentially better, more stable options ready to settle down, getting far more heavily emotionally invested, making future plans- all with someone that doesn't quite know how long they want to keep that act up & reap the benefits from you.

First impressions during the trial period are VERY important- if he actually understands you're high value and you're not here to be messed around he would not leave any room for doubt or slip up with certain behaviours. He would be treading very carefully and not trying to test boundaries, not leave you any excuses to get cold feet & back out since he's playing for keeps. I think this is easier to spot and compare once you've actually been in love with a HVM and noted how he treated you from the get go. You have a template to work from. I always compare new guys to a 'model' ex who gave me zero doubt about his intentions, and further down the line was looking to marry. His behaviour didn't change. I couldn't think of a single thing he did during the first 3months which flashed red flags or made me suspicious- he didn't want to take the risk of making me doubt his intentions. I was always very very sure of where he wanted to go with me- there was no second doubts or hiccups that gave me serious cold feet & he moved at my pace respecting boundaries. There was no attempts to make me jealous and flaunt his options on apps, no weird grin that made me doubt his intentions after he answered a question, no 7hour replies to make me play guessing games & make me chase. ZERO. WHY? Because he was mature & wanted to be kept.

Men that want to keep a foot out will not escalate quickly or try to take up most your time, they will flash signals that make you second doubt & question where its going frequently- men who are serious will want to take up your time to mate gate you from competitors and show you they prioritise you and are committed. A man displaying high value behaviours and making you a priority in his schedule is saying- I am serious about being with you- just you. He is sure of himself and is giving you that time to let you know he isn't up to anything, isn't pursuing other options and likes spending his time with you. The one holding back, is most likely keeping other eggs in his basket and is isn't sure about where its going or he could be fearful from past relationship failures (scared to commit/insecure/immature/knows he'll cheat) or just have too much else going on to be fully emotionally available - either way that is for him to fix- because his uncertainty means he's going to lose you regardless. It is also highly possible he's just an asshole who's good at acting & favours you on his roster for whatever reason. A high value man will be very open& make the time. Know the difference, despite the 'high value' behaviours that might overlap. Both examples might have some things in common like being intelligent, having good chemistry, same interests, treating you like a queen on dates- but not both of them are on the same page about you. And only one of them will dare leave you room for doubt. A man that seems hesitant or skirts around certain topics, or seems like he's just panic mirroring what you want to hear to keep you from bolting- I'm sorry but its likely he's not serious or ready. If you feel the urge to bring up where its going often- he clearly hasn't made you feel safe & convinced you its going where you want.

Again this is where maturity and experience comes into it, if he's a late bloomer or more new to the game (less experience with high value women) - I doubt he understands how hard we are vetting him- I doubt he even understands the value of whats in front of him & is just excited to be an option & have your company. If there’s genuine chemistry- he won’t know what he lost till it’s too late. I doubt he understands just HOW much we are observing and evaluating him in comparison to our vast wealth of experience- and so its inevitable he will slip up- even if he does like you. He may still be in that stage of building his game up , exploring how his high his ceiling goes & using you as the test dummy/ego boost, which means he’ll make rookie errors you’ve seen 100 x before (like trying to make you jealous or chase ).

You know what you're looking for- and what signals indicate he's not quite on the same page despite what he says or does. That means if he's spending money, gazing in your eyes, seeing you a few times a week but ignoring texts, pushing boundaries and flashing fuckboy / mixed signals whilst claiming he’s serious....you have your answer- he's not that scared to lose you but doing enough to keep you around. It is possible he does like you and he's making the error of not seeming too focused on you or deliberately appearing a bit aloof because he's ‘worried’ about scaring you off (his roster) or scared of his feelings - but a high value woman isn't going to put up with that level of uncertainty & realistically he's still too insecure /immature to be a HVM- he left you room for doubt despite your options. He tripped himself up by trying to take you for a pickmeisha who would stick around for the antics. Realistically he knows he’s not up to the job of keeping you around & that’s why they prefer pickmeishas- pickmeisha doesn’t threaten his false ego or throw his ass to the curb when he acts up. A HVM knows you’re not going to take yourself off the market for some insecure childish man playing games, pushing boundaries or taunting you with his options- he knows he will have to prove himself worthy from the get go & he knows you have the esteem & options to upgrade him very easily- hence why he doesn’t risk losing you. And unfortunately for LVM - they cannot resist from revealing themselves & weeding themselves out. Their false ego always gets the better of them- they are known to push their by luck by, overstepping the mark & overestimating their options/ value.

This may hurt to acknowledge this if you like him- but its better to rip the band aid off now- even if there's feels- you know its not going where you want. Unfortunately the rookies only learn from their mistakes (&some don't- some turn into bitter fuckboys as a cope). Sometimes we are that mistake for them, they may think all is going well & that they’ve sucked us in - when in their back of our head something isn't adding up like it did before. I always say pay attention to what people show you- its usually who they are & a taste of whats to come. If he wishes to show you inconsistent fuckboy signals along high value invested behaviour & thinks he is 'secure'- that's what he chose to present during his trial with a high value woman with considerable options- and he can't be mad when the door slams shut on that window of opportunity. He did that himself - but somehow he’ll become the ‘victim’ & console himself with the shoulders of pickmeishas he has no spark with. Mixed signals make a HVW RUN, because HVM won't take the risk of letting you doubt them.

So that means, ok yeah all good he's spending money and telling you what you want to hear or being attentive in bed, making some cute gestures here & there blah blah blah- lots of men can do that to get their dick wet & keep you as a placeholder/option on their roster - but is his character standing up to consistency and scrutiny? Does he really seem safe for long-term commitment? Is he leaving you no room for doubt? Do you feel respected? Is he taking up your time & making you a priority? If not- I'd cut your losses & get out before you get hurt. Its going to be a dead end & trust me- you'd rather be single than invest in an LVM. You will feel more in control & sure of yourself- get used to that feeling of muting feels for men that aren't respectful or fully invested fast & keep doing it till you no longer have to. Don't get caught up for several months/years in the 'IDK BUT WHAT IF KINDA NO MAYBE?'- pull yourself out of that & dust your shoulders off because all he will do is toy with your emotions & waste your time. Mixed signals= not worthy of emotional investment. If you're really questioning his intentions within 3 months, the seed of doubt has been sewn- he can't be high value AND commitment minded.