This is my personal story but I know some of you ladies can relate to some of these things.

When I really sat down and thought about the fact that using me for sex wasn't enough and that's what I thought it was only about.

But it's about the conquest, the reciprocation of attention (during love bombing), which I unfortunately return. He wanted his ego stroked, I gave that to him. He wanted validation, I gave that to him. He wanted someone to hold him and I did that. He wanted someone to be submissive and to degrade, me again. He wanted someone he could have sex with multiple times until exhaustion, I was there. Like these dudes will really took more from you than you initially thought. He probably thought he was god until he decided he could take no more from me and ran off to the next (whoever than poor soul is)

I didn't realize how I went against my own standards and moral code because I was lonely and had no one else around. Not just romantically, but no friends currently and I have no family support. I hadn't dated in a very longggggggggg time Completely alone. That someone that put up an illusion/mask made me feel like if I missed this opportunity, it would never arise again. He pulled out every trick in the deck to take advantage of me on every level except financially or me playing the wifey card (aka 50/50, cooking, cleaning, etc) that I'm sure if I stooped to that level, he would have exploited me in that way, too. I could give him my attention, my support, my kindness, his ego strokes, he could push me enough to get me to do certain things, I could give him my trust, intimacy, etc but that wasn't enough for him. I didn't even realize I was actually being a pickmeisha but it's only because the person who I thought he was actually cared about me.

I am not experienced at all when it comes to dating or sex. I thought it was about sex until I came to the realization why I feel MORE violated than just being used for sex. He was nothing but a parasite. Give me attention, give me ego strokes, make me #1, give me sex, be submissive, etc. So really be careful who you involve yourself with ladies. I feel really ashamed of myself giving myself over to a parasitic narcissistic.

Edit/update: https://i.imgur.com/sxOC4dA.jpg This is just a link to a quote I found and I feel like the naive, overly trusting girl that fell for the narc. Whether or not he had someone else he wanted to "piss off" from before, I have no idea. I don't think he did. but there's definitely a lot of truth in what that quote says and I feel stupid honestly. I never realized how highly I placed him on a pedestal because I thought he was being genuinely loving and caring.

If anyone would like to add any advice, comments, how to prevent this, how to recognize it, etc. I would love to hear it.