I'm a clear newbie and I think there are a few issues with how I think about things. I also think a little background will help FDS members understand why I've had a number of bad relationships, why I find it harder to get over my ex and why I might struggle to embrace the FDS mentality.

In terms of background I was born in the equivalent of a ghetto to an abusive mother. I was neglected and emotionally abused for years. The neglect included physical and medical neglect which adversely affected my appearance and meant that I was bullied in education up until university. Most of this abuse centred on my appearance. It also meant I developed health issues which I have since defeated. In the simplest sense, I come from a position where I was treated as though I wasn't good enough and to some degree I internalised this message. I can still struggle with negative patterns in my thinking and language, even though I now look decent, am healthy, and I am much more accomplished than I used to be. This probably contributed to a string of negative relationships wherein I believed that I had to accept poor treatment, be it emotionally or sexually, to be in a relationship at all.

Around 5-6 months ago my ex left me for a number of reasons and I have been struggling to properly get over him. I don't normally struggle to get over lost relationships, friendships or otherwise so this is new for me. Indeed, I was shocked that I was crying and upset almost everyday for at least a month when he left. Most of my past relationships were terrible and it was my best relationship up until that point. In my past relationships I was either put down constantly, bullied by my partner's family, neglected and even manipulated into performing sexual acts I didn't want to do. My last relationship wasn't like that. He was reliable, would call me virtually everyday even though he worked a near 100 hour week, he would pay for pretty everything without asking, he always made sure that I enjoyed sex, he would pick things up for me using his own initiative, remembered every holiday and virtually never put me down. Essentially he was almost perfect.

He left me because there was a conflict between his job and our relationship. To become incredibly successful he would need to move to the middle east. This means that he would have to marry me if I came to live with him. Another issue was that it is very difficult for someone who isn't a professional with years of experience to get a job in the country. I am not a professional with years of experience of yet, and he wasn't willing to marry me. He had issues because of a failed engagement, avoided negative emotions and situations and didn't want to settle down. I was absolutely heartbroken. The MGTOW, red pillers, and incels who believe women can't love are full of crap.

In addition to being heartbroken, I was worried that I wouldn't be able to find another man who would treat me well and invest in me. I tried OLD for a while which appeared to confirm my suspicions. Eventually one of my friends proposed a long distance relationship. We've been friends for five years, I know him back to front and he has a number of HVM qualities. Even though I am still occasionally thinking about my ex, I decided to gamble it, probably in part because I am insecure. Obviously this is inadvisable and I've got a long way to go.

I will appreciate any input or advice you have to offer.