Hey I'm new to this sub and it has been helpful in me realizing some new truths while also reaffirming some truths and gems I already knew. I'm going to give some background about where I am coming from I was raised in a very strict first generation immigrant African family so dating in high school was not really an option at all if I wanted a peaceful life so I just threw myself into school , writing , reading , creativity , volunteering , fashion , and I also discovered that I wanted to go to law school and started working towards that goal. So I graduated at 17 a kiss less virgin with virtually no real dating or relationship experience to speak of and looking back I kind of embraced it and was happy to have been able to graduate and accomplish a lot of things during my high school career. However after high school I obviously went to college and delved head first into dating and of course that meant that my first kiss was out of the way quick at 18 still a virgin though. I was raised with a great father who taught me and my sisters to have high standards and too see ourselves as the prize at all times. I’m thankful for him and how he brought us up and how he treated my mom with a lot of love and respect throughout their marriage.This followed me as I started dating as I did not tolerate any mess and have no reservations about blocking any guy that tried to mistreat me. However in the midst of me exploring dating and having mostly good experiences with a few bad I got very involved in my college campus , started traveling extensively , chasing my goals , and expanding creatively so boys and men were not really a priority. However during my second semester my family experienced a family death and a very traumatic experience so I decided to still go to school and move back home to support and help out. I decide to completely not date at all during that semester as I knew that I needed to give myself space to heal emotionally. I also had a fast track journey on truly asserting my self worth , self love , and self respect from the inside out by analyzing all aspects of my upbringing and life and deciding to improve. ( I’ve been on the path from like 14 but recently I made a lot of strides). Fast forward to the present I haven’t been on a date since January (which was a hilarious disaster btw) and I have recently had to assert my self worth by blocking men who were not respecting my time. This was after a string of men pursuing me and making plans , dates , and hangouts and simply not following through. While I definitely cut contact it still kind of hurt you know because im kinda tired of being alone.I have kept my standards high and other than one or two mistakes here and there of like texting first I just feel very drained and I can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong with me. I have deleted all my dating apps this weekend after some deep thinking and I just feel a little drained and lost by it all. I have reconciled that Although I want a relationship I would rather remain single forever than settle for a toxic messed up relationship just to assuage loneliness.I can’t shake the feeling subconsciously that something has to be wrong with me in the fact that I’m 19 and never have been in a relationship and that my time is ticking away. A lot of older people in my life keep telling me that finding a life partner in college is almost imperative as afterwords the chances dip and are low.(my parents met in college so this also plays into this) I’m about to go into the second semester of my sophomore year and the possibilities are very iffy at best. I’m also reconciling with the fact that I want to be a lawyer and writer as well as have a family and how I can have both dreams without compromising my hearts desires. It feels like everyone else is having a much better experience and I just feel alone. What advice would you give to me as I am feeling a bit lost with having to reconcile all of this. Should I change my mindset and make adjustments? How should I proceed when it comes to dating , relationships , sex , and love going forward? Is it normal to feel kind of lost and a little bit disillusioned? Also is my experience out of the ordinary?