There’s been a rise of posts that go something along the lines of “I was dating him for x number of months and he seemed HV...” I’ll start by saying that I don’t want to chastise these women for jumping to conclusions too early. It’s an indictment on the male sex that women have to wade through so much bullshit when it comes to dating. It also doesn’t help that us women have been conditioned to believe that men doing the bare minimum is them excelling. But, I disgress.

I’ve always believed that the only way to know whether a man is HV is to vet him over a long period of time, not just when you’re dating him. Unfortunately, we can’t always have fast confirmation of red flags or shitty behaviour. Look at your closest female friends. Look at how your relationship with them developed. I doubt they became your awesome bestie one month into your friendship. They became your best friend because they proved to you, over a long period of time, that they have your best interests at heart. You may have argued or had a fall-out along the way, but overall, the benefit of having them in your life vastly outweighs the cost. Apply this mentality to men you date, as well. This mindset helps me to slow things down in the beginning, which is useful since men can be so charming initially. Real relationships take time to develop and nurture. Having a checklist of HV/LV behaviour is a resource, but that does not mean that you can/should skip the discovery phase.