Long post but it needs explanations

First of all I need to say that I am aware about sexual market value and similar stuff. I know not everyone is going to like you or fall in love with you and not everyone is available for many reasons (this works for men and women alike).

I was thinking about past experiences and wondered if I aimed out of my league or it I got interested in unavailable people for personal issues or it was just bad luck.

I am 20 yo, I didn't date anyone until a few months ago, I gave my first kiss and did some sexual thing but I am still a virgin.

In high school I was an outcast, I was the awkward kid no one liked who skipped school a lot for anxiety and depression issues, I was bullied too etc I barely went to school and when I did guys didn't want to have nothing in common with me.

I considered myself ugly for a while and I got picked on for a few features and for other reasons (I went against some things that were going on at school etc), I am mostly average looking with some bad features.

When I posted on r/amiugly I got told I was average or cute and had a good body but it depends on the pics (1st time I posted it was pretty bad). My face is a bit masculine and I am not conventionally attractive but most people aren't. I am 5"3' / 162 cm and I weigh 101 lbs / 45 kg more or less, my measurements are 30-24-33.5/34 inches / 77-60-87 cm (bust-waist-hips). I am in shape and I have some good features too but I am not a knockout by any means.

I wasn't interested in any boys and other people made fun of me by pairing me with people who didn't like the situation just to piss us off and mess with us.

When I was 18 yo I met this guy on Reddit after he read one of my posts on a sub, I was ranting and he offered to help. He seemed nice and could relate to how I was feeling and my general situation so we started talking. After a month I got a crush on him and I confessed but he said he was not interested in any kind of romantic relationships because dating was a waste of time and my feelings were predictable, he rejected two girls who asked him out etc

My crush became very obsessive and it turned into limerence because I was always daydreaming. He saw me as a friend and didn't want to date after a bad experience in high school but he claimed he had "really high standards" for dating.

I asked what celebrities he found attractive which are usually the most attractive people (models, actors/actresses, singers etc) but none of them could match "his extremely high standards". It didn't make much sense and it also applied to personality too.

I was obsessed with for months and he liked talking to me because he could have long intellectual conversations and I was constantly complimenting him over his intelligence bla bla bla

This guy was average looking and I wasn't into his looks at first but I believe he mirrored me in the beginning to the point I felt like I could relate to him somehow.

He was at the University of Toronto which is very expensive and fancy and he was pursuing a career which was going to pay him very well. When it comes to education and career he was totally out of my league in that sense even if he said I was bright and intelligent and it was the reason he messaged in the first place and he said I was attractive.

Regardless in the end I became so annoying about my feeling and took his interest in talking to me as more and he eventually cut me off. He mentioned we weren't compatible and we had "virtually nothing in common" which upset me because why bother talking to me then? He said he did it to help me with my "problems" and nothing more.

We never talked again and when I went back to school I noticed a guy I met years before. He became more attractive and while I wasn't into blondes I thought he was attractive.

I wanted to distract myself very badly so I did my best to attract his attention. I flirted by making eye contact and smiling and he flirted back a lot (winking, asking me for a selfie with him, sexual jokes, smiling back etc) but he did it as a joke just to mess with me.

I thought it was funny but I was actually interested in him. Idk what I was thinking because he was so out of my league in looks (not a model but above average looking, tall, handsome face etc) and social status (very flirty and sociable, extroverted, befriended all the girls etc). He noticed my attention and appreciated, he talked about me in 3rd person sometimes with the other girls (the class was made 95% of girls) and I suspect he called me fuckable or passable looking and asked me for a selfie with him too.

I am very shy and introverted but he said some things I liked and seemed interesting as a person too.

He never made a move because he wasn't interested but eventually I did because it was driving me crazy but he replied politely I wasn't the girl for him, I wasn't his type and he didn't like me. It made sense because I was very awkward when dealing with him but he didn't seem interested anyway though. I worried that I may have done something to turn him off but I know it wasn't that at all.

I didn't see anymore after school and moved on, I met another guy online and we became friends. Too bad he lives in the US and I am in Europe and he wasn't the type of guy who aims at serious relationships. He seemed desperate for sex mostly but we clicked and it was fun to talk with him.

Initially he had a crush on me but I wasn't attracted to his looks at first and I was still thinking about that first online guy for some reason. When the obsession went away I started liking him because we were best friends, we ranted a lot about our issues and had the same sense of humor.

Distance was a dealbreaker and he said he did not think of a romantic relationship because of it. in the meanwhile he tried to date other girls at his place and had a girlfriend for a couple of months too but nothing got ever serious.

He always said he preferred casual but he was down to anything. He said he did like me but a relationship wouldn't work out and he didn't want to hurt me but in reality he does not feel like dating seriously because we want different things.

This guy wasn't conventionally attractive either and wasn't that lucky with girls. He is definitely too nice and girls used him for favors before or manipulated him, he is very into pleasing girls etc

He has graduated in Aerospace Engineering a while ago and he has better career prospects than me. I know it isn't because of looks because he said I was cute and complimented my looks way too much, we sexted and even wanted to be fwb.

While he was still studying he met a girl from Austria who stayed there for a few months and he tried to date her. He thought of dating her long distance but she wasn't interested and rude to him and they never talked again. He said it was because she had a job and lived alone and also he knew it wouldn't have worked out anyway because of distance and there were things he didn't like about her.

I guess they always think they can do better? Idk

I dated a guy irl in the end but it didn't end well because aside from sexual chemistry there was nothing else there aside from attachment.

He was cute and he found me attractive and was attracted to me but emotionally we were not a good fit.

I was attracted to him too despite him not being the most attractive guy ever, again he was cute and he was kinda short but it wasn't a big deal.

I received a few compliments online on my looks and got "hit on" but irl not very much.

Bad luck or did I go for guys out of my league?

Aside from basic attraction (sexual or some curiosity) I never had a guy wanting a relationship with me or expressing actual romantic feelings for me.

Sorry for the long post but I thought I had to explain stuff so you could understand what I was talking about.