Before joining this sub, I used to get most of the support from Breakup and Exnocontact subs and while they were very helpful, it barely touched the surface. I'm trying to recover since October after all the shit that started last May 2019 (LVMs, toxic/bullying ex-friends, job loss, sickness and overall life screwing me). I have, so far, managed to get some shit together--like new job, new city, new friends and new place. But my social and personal life is a nightmare, especially when I am alone.

I'm continuing my therapy but I'm having too many relapses--mostly Numbness and Disassociation from reality. Even though I know that all of the LVMs in my life have moved on and don't care, I cant really convince myself that they don't think about me. I've tried, I really have and I have failed time and time again to convince myself that "they don't care, they have fucked me up and they have happily moved on without consequences while I suffer".

I've tried many mental exercises--journaling the shit they put me through, their ugly and embarrassing sides that should turn any women off and some other shit that should convince me that they are shit. But no, I keep going back to their "good sides" and the "good times". I'm still journaling--currently, about goals (upgrading my wardrobe, financial goals, health/body and etc).

I have people to talk to and very supportive friends but still...it can only do so much. Also, I've restrained myself from getting involved with men and haven't been on dates since October (Went on one date this January and that's it). I've made some new female friends on Bumble BFF and talk to them on a regular basis.

But even with all of the things above...I feel empty, like a damn robot and I feel that I am not in the present. As if I'm not here. I feel like the shock just froze me that I don't know what or how to feel anymore. Nothing excites me. I feel like an empty shell.

I need to know what I can do more because, while I am more productive, my social life is totally off.