I have been dating a girl who goes to my college. She is my first girlfriend and first girl I have been with sexually. She assumed I had much more experience with women than I really did thanks to trp lessons. Now she knows I am her first (after 2 months of fucking), and sex is still often.

One day I looked through her Reddit post history from back when she was together with her ex and see that she wrote in a comment of how she and her ex would play a multiplayer game and turn it into a strip game and you know the rest (in her words). I had a visceral reaction and felt my chest sink when I read that.

I knew she had had sex already with one other guy in an ltr before me, but seeing it written by her made me feel really shitty and distant from her, as I believe is a normal feeling. Plus, I now realize I don't like that she was my first and I am not her first.

On the other hand, I really want to get over it. My situation is not like some of the horror stories on trp where the girl doesn't do as much sexual stuff as she did with her ex. Compared just some strip game, I have done more stuff with her sexually. I fuck her good almost every day (sex God method) and I did her first time anal. I am also confident that my SMV is higher than her ex (she made him wait around a year to take her virginity) I fucked her after about a month. He is overweight, is now depressed, still thinks about her, and doesn't like seeing us together. He avoids eye contact when he sees me. They ended it on mutual terms because family stuff, could not marry.

I just don't know how to deal with this feeling of betrayal and distance. The game she wrote about was a game we played before, I didnt know she played it also in a strip way with her ex. I feel like our experience is tainted now and can't play it with her ever again. When we had sex next time after I read that comment I was so out of it, I didn't want to kiss her and it felt mostly physical and it was difficult to get turned on. It's better now, but I don't feel the same way as I did before about her emotionally. I feel like she is used up and tainted.

Realistically, I do not know if a pure girl I want exists. Would I feel better if I would have also been with another before her? We talked of a 3 way, would that make me feel better as I would also be with another partner? I know I am her best option now.

Literally everything else is going perfect. She has qualities I like, she satisfies me, and she is not pretensious at all.

But that "my past doesn't matter" saying is utter bullshit. It does to me.

Do I just wait for the negative feelings toward her to go away? Do I break up and find a virgin?

I just don't know what will make me feel better.