How often should you yourself be setting up dates with a girl?

mkddomestic · 2020-06-22T04:54:03+00:00

I have been where you are. Here is something that I would ask of myself and the person I am pursuing: what is she doing that you ask of her? If she is naturally following you in all things, maybe she is looking for a leader and an alpha. If she resists certain advances, certain choices and not others, ask yourself if she could actually be leading you. Call it passives aggression, selfish behavior, whatever. If the first condition is the case, she will also be looking to please you and a welcome follower. That doesn’t mean she won’t have lines and preferences and limits, but asking simple things like doing an activity you love and she only likes because you like it will be easy for her.

hittincervix · 2020-06-22T13:53:31+00:00

Pull back a bit. Correct the power posture of the relationship.

MattyAnon · 2020-06-22T18:42:10+00:00

I've been seeing a girl and it feels like 90% of the time I'm the one asking what her schedule is and planning fun dates.

Yeah, this is common. It gets old fast though.

The issue here is where is the line drawn between "men are supposed to be leaders and make the plans" and chasing too much.

I hear ya.

For me: I expect girls to do half the effort: keeping in contact, setting up dates, etc. And certainly half the paying.

This works fine but you have to set it up from the start.

How to fix this:

It's important that you do fix it, because if she's lazy she's not investing and if she's not investing then she's a very tiny step away from entering exploiting mode.
You can't always fix it. For me I'd aim to replace her if she gets too lazy. So I tend to let them go if they maintain this passive shit. Like you OP I find that most will go to some effort.
Jerk her around more. Arrange a date and then cancel it. Rearrange the next one. Do not arrange the next date too quickly. Leave a gap after seeing her of at least 3-4 days. Then hit her up on text but don't arrange a date and then go quiet. Be random: see her once a week on Saturdays and then don't. See her twice in a row and then go radio silent.

The idea is that she's unsure and not in control. Scary and exciting.

If you always keep in touch, always arrange dates, always invite then she's going to get really lazy really fast.

Musicgoon · 2020-06-22T06:59:33+00:00

This is a balancing act that can be tough. Even with several plates you're bound to have a favorite.

There really aren't any rules. So the best answer is do what you want to do and ask her along if you feel like it.

I think that if you're feeling like it's one sided, take action.

Go a few places without her and give her a bit of space and silence to get her hamster rolling. Then drop things you did in conversation:

"Wow! I just went out and had the most amazing Pizza at _____. And then I went to an amazing park. Maybe I'll take you soon".

Or I just had an amazing day..

Leave it vague. Let her wonder but don't give more information than you just having fun. Soon she will be asking you to tag along.

Have fun with your other plates as well...

cydestiny · 2020-06-22T07:17:37+00:00

When you have fucking free time.

I lift everyday after my day job, focus on my side business until 12, occasionally available during the weekends after client meeting or gym, go figure.

drevenx13 · 2020-06-22T09:16:01+00:00

She will continue having fun dates with you until someone better enters the picture. Good luck.

Title	How often should you yourself be setting up dates with a girl?
Author	I_Luv_Procastinating
Upvotes	4
Comments	8
Date	June 22, 2020 4:11 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/hdl0fd/how_often_should_you_yourself_be_setting_up_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-often-should-you-yourself-be-setting-up-dates.698466 https://theredarchive.com/post/698466

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