Hello everyone,

A bit of a newbie here and I love what I've stumbled upon. I've been reading the handbook and digesting all of the valuable posts in this subreddit and it has really opened my eyes up to the error of my ways! Thank you all for your contributions and the supportive atmosphere.

We talk a lot about how to navigate the dating world but I'd also like to ask how best to navigate male friendships in life. As we all know (or at least we've been led to believe), sometimes the best relationships can potentially come from long term friendships where both of you have gotten to know each other without the pressure of dating or sex. Now, one problem I admit I have is that I'm an initiator: I organise large events for a living and it requires a specific kind of...strong personality where, because you understand the logistics and the organisation required better than other people, you take the lead and just get shit done. I'm very successful in my role, but I understand that this kind of 'go get em' attitude may not always be the best when it comes to dating or even friendships. For example, 9 times out of 10, I always initiate catch-ups and hangouts, even with my female friends. They're always up for it and (from what I can see) they enjoy hanging out with me and are always enthusiastic about it but it does get a bit laborious that I always have to initiate. Same thing with male friends, though funnily enough the effort there feels a bit more balanced with male friends reaching out to me more frequently than female friends.

I suppose what I want to ask is this - do I need to learn to turn off this part of my personality when hanging out with friends, especially new male friends who may have the potential to be HVM, but who I only know as acquaintances through mutual friends? I.e. when there may be interest but it may be too awkward for him to approach due to not knowing the lay of the land/ the social dynamics involved within our mutual friendships/ the possibility of making a group hangout awkward if he shoots his shot by misreading the situation? How much initiation is acceptable from me, as a woman, in friendship circles, to suggest hangouts and meet ups (in groups or even individually) while at the same time allowing plausible deniability to maintain my neutrality and give him an 'in' to approach me? I guess I want to know how to optimise my chances/ get to know potentially HVM through taking the initiative without mucking up the line between just being friendly vs. seeming desperate.

As I've been reflecting, I've found a lot of the principles here can be applied to not just romantic relationships but friendships and work relationships as well, and have helped me to be aware of 'pick me' behaviours and be more aware of healthy boundaries. It's a life style change right? So ladies, please tell me, do I need to accept being the passive party across the board in all my relationships (which I hate) and learn to let people initiate/ come to me, or is there a degree of flexibility in friendships, acknowledging that if a man makes a move, I need to sit back and let him take the lead?