Advice on boundaries

Poet1869 · 2020-07-24T23:07:01+00:00

He then says men are wired to be nicer after sex, which I acknowledge, but something doesn’t seem right.

Well, yes, all people are nicer after you do something nice for them. I call shenanigans on that being a motivator for having sex when you're upset. In fact, I think that's a really unhealthy way to manage your emotions and a great way to associate sex with feelings of hurt and obligation.

There are many instances where I don’t want to be intimate but just give in because I don’t want to be that woman who cries victim, but I feel saddened afterward.

Stop. Tell your boyfriend how this makes you feel, when you're not in the moment. He doesn't get sexy rewards for picking fights, which your post makes it sounds like might be an issue. Regardless, you're not comfortable with it, so tell him so when you're not making up after a fight. As for the texting, a hard no is totally acceptable. Tell him you're not comfortable and if he has an issue with that, then you've got bigger problems.

Edit: I'd like to see some studies that show men are specifically hardwired to be nicer after sex. Without proof, I'd say that's hogwash.

2020-07-24T23:15:14+00:00

[deleted]

m0n46 · 2020-07-25T16:32:44+00:00

Courtesy of my therapist, “I’m not comfortable with that/talking about that.” Someone who hears that and is reasonable would not argue with the level of your comfort.

I used to give in and would even tell my ex of 7 years to use my body and my body gave out. My vagina would not cooperate, I was in immense pain, dryness, went to all the doctors..... One elderly female doctor confirmed my old belief system that it was my job to keep him satiated and that my vagina would atrophy if I didn’t use it. Leaving him cured me after 6 months. Your body keeps track even through your mind rationalizes. I’m grateful my body protected me and did what it did to communicate to me when my mind could not.

ManguZa · 2020-07-25T08:41:40+00:00

The things he won't tell you is that he also need to feel that you still love him after an argument, and sex do that.
Have you sort out why do you feel sad afterwise?
And do you find a satisfying response to the original problem? (If it's the case it's kind of doubly justified, but, if not, there is a communication problem)

Title	Advice on boundaries
Author	behindthemonster
Upvotes	7
Comments	8
Date	July 24, 2020 10:56 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/hxbv04/advice_on_boundaries/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/advice-on-boundaries.717477 https://theredarchive.com/post/717477

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