Fed up and discouraged

Radiant_Success · 2020-03-17T22:51:32+00:00

Well, you cannot change men into wanting to be providers and protectors and partners and responsible and committed and loving and emotionally available and all of those positive attributes that you are seeking. Culturally and socially, its really not a requirement for them anymore, they are freely given exactly what they want and what they value without having to do or be any of those good things. They are socialized and very accustomed to being rewarded for poor behavior and for doing nothing or the bare minimum at most.

So with that knowledge, you can either choose to continue to being open to the process of finding someone that suits you and your own standards, knowing that in that process you will likely continue to have a lot more negative experiences with guys, or you can choose to remove yourself from it and find fulfillment in other ways.

I slip in and out of dating when I want. What I want in and from a man has changed dramatically, but because I am so clear on what I want, it makes it very easy for me to sift through the b.s. and walk away the moment I know I'm not going to get it. I don't give anything of myself except time and the pleasure of my company.

2020-03-17T22:39:54+00:00

Continue therapy. Do as much self help as you can.

I'm also 29 surrounded mostly by couples. But I don't mind. Never had a serious relationship, only dated one guy and went on 1-2 dates with a few others.

Learn to be chill on your own and be happy.

Soulsalts · 2020-03-17T22:36:56+00:00

Sometimes it's actually a relief and a life improvement to simply give up on men. They can be such an energy drain, and pay you back only in self-esteem issues.

This isn't like regular giving up, which I don't encourage. This is more like giving up smoking.

ros-bos · 2020-03-18T00:15:27+00:00

Know that you’re not alone! I’m fairly content being single but I feel exactly how you do right now from time to time, I think it’s natural.

You can’t compare your journey to anyone else’s. Yes it might feel like you’re surrounded by all these couples, but that doesn’t mean they’re all blissfully happy. Sometimes there’s more going on behind closed doors that you might not even be aware of. And who wants to deal with that?

Continue therapy, it’s been so important to me personally for my self esteem. I went from “how can I be someone who men will choose” to “what the fuck are these men bringing to the table?” FDS also helped with that lol

It’s always so much better to be alone than to be in a relationship that drains you emotionally and mentally. Know what you’re looking for in a partner and don’t lower your standards!

Sending you love! 🤗

curlygirl507 · 2020-03-18T04:32:36+00:00

You don't need a relationship. Most relationships with men are a waste of time because they'll happily extract every resource they can get out of you while giving the bare minimum back. I say this as a woman who's had several decent-to-good boyfriends. I guarantee at least a large portion, if not all, of your friends in relationships are jealous of you.

Just pretend dating isn't a thing and imagine your perfect life as a single woman. Then start working toward that vision one step at a time.

isaidwhutisaid · 2020-03-17T22:33:58+00:00

Not advice but I support you. I’m 18 and I feel very similarly

Title	Fed up and discouraged
Author	kooky_winter
Upvotes	27
Comments	7
Date	March 17, 2020 10:28 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fkeh6w/fed_up_and_discouraged/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/fed-up-and-discouraged.722480 https://theredarchive.com/post/722480

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