WOW just discovered red pill and oh.. mah.. god. So glad this community and info exists right now. Like a breath of fresh air (and a slap in the face). Haven't posted or commented before, but I am in desperate need of advice.

I'm 26 and my sons father is 34. We met when he was just above rock bottom. He was going through a divorce and being accused of abuse by his insane ex (just wait) and was drinking and shit. It was bad. Realistically, I shouldn't have gotten involved with him at that time but I found myself deeply, insanely attracted to him on multiple levels. I still feel that way. And, because I was extremely narcissistic, I was expecting something in return for all my "help." While lying to myself about what I really wanted. Stupid.

Anyways, we did share a very deep connection. He maintained that he wanted an open relationship the whole time and I agreed, I thought it was understandable, but I was ready to hop off the CC (love that term ha) so I didn't see anyone else. Other women have warned me against being with him because he asked for an open relationship, but now I feel like he was being completely reasonable AND honest. He didn't want to be married again. He was honoring his urge to fuck all the ladies he could. And although there was practically no courtship, he showed no signs of abuse or manipulation towards me. He wasn't in a good place so of course things weren't ideal, but I honestly believe he showed me the most love he could during that time.

But I got pregnant. We had been together less than 6 months. He got full custody of both of his children after his ex fled the state. Shit was real ladies. We couldn't make it work at that time and I moved back in with my parents, but we've maintained a peaceful relationship over the course of our sons life (1.5 years) and have not had to go to court. He pays child support. He's going back to school and absolutely killing it. He's sober. Raising both his kids and definitely not perfect, but he's doing it and loves them. He's improving every time we visit.

I thought our relationship was off the table because he still wanted an open relationship, and I want monogamy, but the last visit we had, I felt really attracted to him and just let things happen. The sex was amazing and he showed me a lot of affection. He wants to get back together now and is over open relationships. I, by the way, was just getting ready to start dating again. I haven't slept with anyone but him we started dating in Dec 2014.

So my question is... How to proceed? In my heart I want things to work out, I want to get married and if our relationship could be the amazing thing we both want of course I want that with him. But I know sooo much about him, all his dark shit, and he has kind of a rough past and some negative patterns. Definitely history of depression, some rough relationships with his family. It's hard to look past, and I don't know if I should look past it, although I do believe people can change. And nobody's perfect. I also don't feel like I can trust him because he has been so back and forth about committing. But at the same time feel like that has so much to do with his divorce situation. I have given him space to let him figure things out on his own, and that seems to help. Since having sex with him this last time our communication (we're long distance) has been really nice and feels very healthy in terms of how often we talk and how the conversations go. It feels natural and very positive.

I see potential in him for a really strong, amazing, masculine head of household. I have seen him moving towards it on his own over the last couple years. Having this red pill info has made me feel so inspired about our relationship, empowering him, bringing value to his life, and learning how to be a good wife, but there is part of me that is scared and unsure of how to handle this strange and controversial relationship. As I type this I actually feel so strongly that I want to be with him, but I'm afraid its doomed. I'm afraid I'm fooling myself, like I can't trust myself either. I'm afraid what people will think. I'm afraid all of his problems from his last marriage will be there in ours and we won't be able to work it out.

He's visiting next week and I don't know how to handle it. Should I fuck him? Should we discuss our relationship goals and what we both need to work on to prepare ourselves for marriage/long term commitment? Can I come to him with things about his personality and past that worry me? Can I ask him to do the same for me?

My biggest question is, if I am to proceed with this relationship, what do I do in the coming months (or years)?

I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about this right now, so thank you thank you thank you for your thoughts.