I've only lurked here occasionally but just had a massive wakeup call and this subreddit has been part of the catalyst. Hopefully someone might get something out of this (and it feels good to get off my chest). Here's a brief (as possible) summary:

  1. Meet ex-girlfriend 2 years ago on dating site. Sex after 30 minutes. indifferent to her but start dating anyway. Soon find out she lost her virginity at 14 and has all kinds of daddy issues.

  2. Fast forward several months, actually care about her but she starts insisting I tell her I love her. Unsure, but eventually give in.

  3. Things get messy here: Find out she's interested in a threesome (the good kind) and puts it in my hands to find somebody. Start talking to other girls but most are only interested in me. Willpower of the Gods.

This is where it all falls apart - Beta mode:

  1. One stressful night I stupidly agree to it and get a handjob. Become so disgusted about what I've done that I breakdown and immediately tell her everything. Crying, "You have to break up with me", etc. She's hurt but in no time we're back together. But I've lost my confidence and my position in the relationship has changed. Every minor argument ends with "you cheated on me".

  2. A few months later she dumps me for that reason and I wish her all the best. Decide to relocate towns for career options. Suddenly she decides we should get back together and I cautiously agree. We book a 1 month holiday for later in the year based around her university dates.

  3. I have no work in this town and am reluctant to get a career job since I will have to burn the reference when I go overseas. Slump into a depression, have very little money, am only sticking around for her. Confidence is shot to shit.

  4. Here is where I start to become her bitch: Sell my car, rely on her for transport. She forces me to see a psychologist to find out why I cheated. I randomly buy her gifts and try to organise activities we can do. She becomes distant and would rather watch tv or go on facebook than actually do things together, except for when she goes clubbing with her loose friends (I'm not invited) - "I trust you".

  5. She's completely ended our sex life. Starts dropping passive aggressive insults about how inadequate I am as a boyfriend. I continue to tell her how pretty she is and how much I love her.

  6. Go on a working holiday to earn some cash and plan it so that she can visit at the end of the week and we can have a romantic escape together. She agrees, but at the last minute changes plans due to "cost", despite my offer to pay. She's been chatting to a "childhood friend" on fb who is coming up to visit with his friends. She wants to go clubbing with them but assures me her brother is going - "I trust you".

  7. Goes out clubbing 2 nights in a row until 4 with them. Call her the next day. She's instantly cold. Ask if something has happened, she denies it, but I get "This is going nowhere". Realise how blind I've been and lose my shit. She ignores my subsequent apology, refuses all contact and says swearing is forever unforgivable.

  8. I beg her to be honest with me, she says nothing has happened and there's no plans to see anybody else. 2 days later find out that same night she'd been blowing the same guy she'd been clubbing with after having been invited to go on a party binge when we were still together.

  9. Still can't imagine life without her. Start drinking and texting, hoping we can work something out. She seems reluctant but not dismissive of the idea of one day fixing things. Assures me there's no plans to see somebody else and we make plans for a goodbye dinner and to talk.

  10. She cancels plans in order to go clubbing. Next day find out she's been hooking up with guys again. I tell her I find it hurtful and disrespectful and get "Oh boohoo, it's my life" as a response. When she picks up her belongings from mine, all she can do is tell me how happy she is now and what a confident and proud woman she's become from knowing me. I stupidly give her attention by voicing my disgust. She leaves thinking she's the bigger person, but tells all her friends and family how horrible I am.

I hope this serves as a warning on how NOT to act and what early signs to look out for. I never self-monitored my position and just relied on "she loves me and I trust her" as the basis for her loyalty, but the reality is that if you don't maintain some measure of respect and control, you will be manipulated and disposed of at the first opportunity. Now I'm left with a wasted year and no idea what to do next.

Update: I've now done what I should have done a year ago and changed cities. Rebuilding with my eyes OPEN and realise I've dodged a bullet. Thank you all for the support and advice!