How long did it take any of you to get established. Like your self-improvement goals whether it be physical or mental or financial

yomimaru · 2020-11-29T22:34:40+00:00

Your efforts are laudable, but I can see several problems already.

I have been wondering how much more time will it be before I can finally feel self-sufficient

Do you earn you own living? If yes, then you're self-sufficient alright even if you don't own a house at the moment. If you still depend on someone else, I'd suggest to stop doing this as soon as you can.

I won't know until I find another one to know if it is me or just the girls I chose

You sound like you have some theory about yourself and the world, and now need to test this theory to see whether it's valid or not. This mindset is good in a science lab but really bad in relationships with people. Having met a shitty person before (or several shitty persons in a row) says nothing about your own qualities. The only thing I'd be concerned about is the case when the number of shitty people in your life is off the charts, and somehow you can't attract anyone decent. This I'd talk through with a therapist.

And yes, if you never initiate, your chances of finding a girl become really slim.

coffeetablestain · 2020-11-30T07:42:12+00:00

I was raised in a cult. Like, really.

Instead of going to school I was taught how to shoot at communists. My "retirement plan" was null and void because my parents believed with their entire heart and soul that Jesus would come and rescue all of us and we would see a promised land where everyone they didn't like who were different from them would be purged from the coming paradise and Jesus would come down in a flying fucking saucer and take us all to this new realm of heterosexual white people. My parents decided early on that they would choose a "bride" for me when I was old enough.

They drank and drugged themselves to death along with my siblings a number of years back. The plan backfired. I was left holding the bag. No social experience, no education, no idea how the real world works.

Somehow I did it. It was really, really fucking hard. The only thing that saved me was understanding that the universe was greater than me. That I was a speck and I needed to listen to others and absorb as much of everything as possible. I was raised by video games in a back country world powered by generators and the only lesson I learned through it all was "if it's getting harder, you have to beat this level."

Seek the harder path.

If you feel overwhelmed, if something is very uncomfortable to even think about, that's your direction. That's what you chase. The things that challenge what you believe.

In the time since I emancipated myself I worked nearly every job that would take me. I went to every event that any coworker would throw me. I talked to any girl that was around me and instead of trying stupid pickup lines, I listened to their lives and experiences and asked questions. I exercised, took up karate, became a black belt, cried my sore body to sleep at night wishing through my tears that anyone, anyone would be around to give me a back-rub and tell me it would be okay. I got an education and supported myself with anything I could do for years and years, and in that time, between my 20's and 30's, I resisted all notion that partnership and romance would be for me. I did NOT want to consider that. I had resigned to the idea that I was a loner from a fucked up past and I would NEVER have a partner in life and that love was a chemical reaction and redpill this and redpill that. (although there was no redpill then, no Matrix movies, barely an internet even.) And yet still it happened, still someone ended up my life by happenstance and we started talking and in a strange, entirely unexpected whirlwind I was no longer alone and facing an entirely new set of challenges that were even harder than learning how to function in the real world. I was not alone anymore but the next level was harder still because it meant realizing that I was a flawed person and needed to find a careful juggling act of knowing my faults and accepting the love of another human.

Loneliness is hard. It's why I'm here trying to smack some sense into people having problems and turning to stupid ideology. Ideology will be broken by the universe over and over, if you cling to ideology you're fucking screwed.

Loneliness is maybe one of the hardest things we ever experience. But it's a feeling like all the others. It's a feeling your mind makes up stories to explain. But it passes, like so many things. This too shall pass. I told myself that when I held my mother's hand as she took her last breath and the rest of my goddamn family as well. And it passed. I'm old now, grey and regret so many things and would change nothing.

There is no time frame. There is no spoon. There is nothing in this world but you and how you feel about it. That's all. The universe is subjective, and it's on your shoulders to decide how you're going to experience it.

You got a fucked up hand of cards and you have some problems making sense of yourself. Sucks but it happens. You're not out of the game, the levels are just going to be harder. Use every resource, but be wary of false prophets and grifters. Don't lie to yourself to preserve comfort. Seek the harder path.

Title	How long did it take any of you to get established. Like your self-improvement goals whether it be physical or mental or financial
Author	defo18
Upvotes	4
Comments	6
Date	November 29, 2020 10:14 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/k3il3c/how_long_did_it_take_any_of_you_to_get/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/how-long-did-it-take-any-of-you-to-get-established.736392 https://theredarchive.com/post/736392

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