How to show love to SO after having a fight where we both completely lost frame?

eucalyptus1818 · 2017-12-18T00:53:15+00:00

On your end, you need to drop the subbornness and defensiveness. Control your temper. As you're witnessing, you can use anger and violence to end an argument but it is not any "win" for you- and you can lose your relationship over it.

And yes, what you did- throwing soda- is a violent act, even if it might not register that way. If the roles were reversed, we would counsel you to look for other signs of violent behavior as it's a red flag for future abuse.

For your apology feel sincere, you need to 1. Apologize for losing your temper, throwing things, etc. 2. Express that you know how wrong/disrespectful/cruel it was 3. Explain what you're doing to fix these things about yourself 4. Let him speak and LISTEN; do not argue here

Under NO circumstances should you justify why your actions were OK, or make any demands after your apology.

I imagine with ASD, these already-challenging situations can be more complex to navigate. If you feel you need to work with a professional for communication or anger-control techniques, know there is no shame in such things.

Rivkariver · 2017-12-18T01:01:37+00:00

My suggestion (based on what you're shared) is to put your ego aside, go apologize and take accountability for your role in the argument. There's a chance he's still angry but you have to be willing to be vulnerable in order to move forward. Once you've both calmed down I think it might be helpful to ask what you can do to make him feel loved (because everyone is different).

He can't admit fault for anything (I'm pretty bad too but he's shocking)

Rigid thinking is common among people with autism. Perhaps you can work on this together? If you're interested you can look up ways to improve flexible thinking. A lot of the information available is designed for parents to help their children but it can still apply to adults.

platewrecked · 2017-12-18T00:01:08+00:00

What was the argument about. That would shed more light.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2017-12-18T10:31:55+00:00

Apologize to him. Regardless of what went on, you were in the wrong to force him to make a choice to either have to walk home or let you walk home. That’s a really shitty ultimatum to give someone.

Title	How to show love to SO after having a fight where we both completely lost frame?
Author	buying1gf
Upvotes	2
Comments	5
Date	December 17, 2017 11:39 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7khbs6/how_to_show_love_to_so_after_having_a_fight_where/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-show-love-to-so-after-having-a-fight-where.73936 https://theredarchive.com/post/73936

Comments