Feminine ways of handling controlling MIL during the holidays?

[deleted] · 2017-12-20T17:48:26+00:00

If you aren’t married she isn’t your mil. If you want to see your family go without him. I find it odd you haven’t seen them for Xmas in 12 years. Why not spend part of day with his family and part with yours?

[deleted] · 2017-12-20T18:42:41+00:00

My husband and I only had one Christmas before we were engaged and we didn't spend it together, for this reason. For many, holidays are just for family and that may be his mother's line of thinking. Now that we're married, holidays are getting complicated, especially since his mother and sister have never had to work around anyone else's family. Fortunately, my husband isn't afraid to tell them "I'm sorry, but she has family too and we aren't canceling on them, because your plans have changed."

I side with those telling you to go to your family's Christmas. You aren't married. She's not your MIL. You don't owe her any holidays. This is the time to set your boundaries and let your boyfriend and his mother do whatever they like.

Laceandsilks · 2017-12-20T19:54:29+00:00

Additional questions:

have you talked about marriage?
are you prepared to deal with this woman for the rest of your life?
have you ever had other relationships?

peachhh629 · 2017-12-20T15:25:31+00:00

Oh, dear.

First of all: you are 25 and you have been "in a relationship" for 12 years? Since you were 13? Okay...

My SO's mother is very controlling when it comes to the holidays... and has insisted on seeing him every Christmas every year since we have been together (12 years).

Yeah, I can see how she would want to see her son at Christmas when he is 13 years old. And 14, and 15, and 16... All through middle school and high school, as a matter of fact, and also through college. I myself have three children, and if they want to ditch me and their dad and their siblings to spend all of Christmas day with their girlfriend or boyfriend, I am going to tell them that they are SOL.

During this time I have only seen my family once during Christmas time, and she still managed to make the day about her.

See above. You have only seen your family ONCE during Christmas since you were in 8th grade? If this is accurate, do you understand how incredibly odd this is?

I'm not sure what kind of advice you are looking for, since, if you have described your situation accurately, it is already extremely unusual. If you come from a family where your parents don't care whether you spend Christmas with them at all, for twelve years, starting when you are in middle school, then it is possible that your SO actually has a normal family with normal parents who want to spend time with him at the holidays, and that appears "controlling" to you, because your own family is so far outside the norm that it is not even in the same solar system.

Title	Feminine ways of handling controlling MIL during the holidays?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	2
Comments	10
Date	December 20, 2017 3:12 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7l1yh6/feminine_ways_of_handling_controlling_mil_during/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/feminine-ways-of-handling-controlling-mil-during.73953 https://theredarchive.com/post/73953

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