Hello RPW, what a wonderful place to find resources :) thank you.

I just resurfaced from The Oblivion since 2012 (6 years). The reason is because my dad was sick so my mom and I have to be the moneymaker. I'm 28/ female/ non-native speaker/ single.

Here's what I was like in that Oblivion Phase:

  • No sex, dating, or relationships. Not because for my self betterment but for helping my family .So I couldn't relate to this nun mode or monk mode. My father was sick, so my mother and I worked like a horse for six years. (Spending very little just to survive with a lot of labour intensive work).

  • I cut all ties with possible men. Even my exes doesn't really know the reason why I leave them. I just blocked them and go ghost. (All of them now are married/LTR btw). I was homeless and slept in the car, so I dont think I fit for a relationship.

  • No social media except LinkedIn & Quora for my job. I deleted Facebook since 2012.

  • I dont sleep well, dont eat good food. I cant afford to sleep 8 hours a day when I have to find money. I was 143lbs (65kg).

  • People call me from a hottie in 2012 to an auntie in 2016.

  • I feel like Im out of the marketplace entirely, and almost forgotten into oblivion kinda.

Enter 2018. Now things are getting better, my mother and I save enough money to buy a land and build a house of our own and it makes me happy to see it in construction. (This will be a secret from my future husband of course). I also save enough money not to work for the time being and focus on my own self. I drop my weight to a sweet 50kg (110lbs). I treat my face and skin better, with active beauty regiment every night. People start asking me if I'm fresh out of high school. (Best compliment I had in 6 years). Happy that I found RPW because I can relate.

The problem is, Im lonely (and horny). 6 years of no intimacy is a craaazy amount of time to comprehend, but I just did it. I try not to rely on masturbation, but on some sad days it makes me feel happy albeit Im not proud of it. I want to be the happiest wife on earth, but masturbation will not make me a wife.

This is what I want to be:

  • A satisfying and satisfied wife.

  • A loving tiger mom with lots of kids (7-ish kinda). Its possible in my country.

  • A confidante that a captain can trust and count on.

That brings me to the vetting process: I cannot relate to most of the men I met...Is it because of The Oblivion Phase? I felt distant. I just can't pick or make a choice. The closest pick I have is a member from All Blacks Rugby Team. (Thats not even a real pick...I know cries) Am I'm being too unrealistic? I dont want to find someone on facebook either as my life is way peaceful without social medias.

Any help or fixing is greatly appreciated. A thousand thank yous.