My family and I were at a close family friend's house, playing a board game. Because there were too many of us, I was paired with the guy only a year older than me. Something to note about this guy is that he is extremely phlegmatic (I recommend reading Personality Plus if you haven't) while I am choleric. Basically, he is quiet, never offends anyone, and seriously struggles to make decisions that effect anyone but himself. It's not that he's stupid or insecure, he just wants to make people happy. And I'm... the opposite (except I'm also quiet because we're both melancholic).

This board game, like most, requires strategy and competitiveness, my natural strengths. But it is also deeply engrained into me that a woman should never lord over a man. Naturally, I wanted to appear attractive to him and make sure I never made my game partner feel disrespected, unneeded, or bossed around. This was a lot harder than I thought and I had no idea how to go about it.

At first, I sort of played dumb and encouraged him to decide our first step. This failed miserably as it is completely against his nature and he had no idea what to do. So I made a few suggestions and waited for him to pick one. They were all equally beneficial options and he couldn't have possibly chosen one that would upset me in any way, but yet he still couldn't make the decision. So I pointed at a specific one and explained why I considered it a good choice and then asked what he thought. He said, 'yep.'

The game continued in this fashion and we were the spectacle of the table. I would do my best to make him feel needed by encouraging him to make decisions and including him as much as I could, and he would sit there and nod his head, never offering an original thought. I really, really tried to not come off as bossy but it only seemed to backfire. He ended up just being my "card holder" while I played out my strategy alone. The most important decision he made that night was how to make my milo.

It wasn't that he wasn't interested in the game or in me, he actually seemed perfectly content to sit there and let me make decisions for us. But this goes against everything I've been taught.

He also seemed to enjoy conversing with me between turns. He was making jokes and poking fun at himself and how useless he was. But I absolutely didn't want him to feel useless. Yet, whenever I kindly suggested something or explained my strategy, I couldn't help but feel like I was patronising him.

I know this is a trivial situation, but it got me thinking.

According to my dad and personality experts, I'm destined to marry a phlegmatic man. But how do I manage being submissive and supportive to a guy who won't take control? I want to make him feel like a man, but being a damsel doesn't work when he's too scared of offending me to rescue me.

I'm only 15 and have a lot to learn, so any thoughts and answers are hugely appreciated.