Just want to clarify, I’m not married, SO and I have been together for 5 years, with all the intention to marry once we finish our schooling in 2 more years. SO and I are both 25.

I’m from a very “warm and inviting” culture. I have a huge family with lots of aunts and uncles and cousins. I also have a big immediate family, my siblings and I love each other and miss each other constantly. In short, I am a HUGE family person. There’s lots of love, words of affirmation, gift giving...ect in my family. We show our love in different ways but we all show it. My SO is from the US, born and raised in conservative US state. SO’s family is significantly smaller, not much emphasis on ALL the family getting together(cousins, aunts, grandparents). SO’s Grandma seems to be the o nly one I can relate too. Was a homemaker her entire life, INCREDIBLE cook. Likes yard-sales lol,

My issue is...possibly cultural. But I have been having trouble finding the grace within me to continue a relationship with SO’s mom. From the beginning she always came off to me as very abrasive, cold, direct to the point of rudeness, makes fun and laughs at hurtful comments or situations, not very maternal...ect. I have never felt so rejected, unwanted and unloved in my entire life.

It seems like when I try to get closer, or do something nice, she shoots me down and it hurts my feelings pretty badly. Just yesterday while on a night out with SO’s parents, we were casually talking about my cousins wedding SO and I had just attended the weekend prior...she adds “yeah OP, by the time you and SO settle down, you’ll be like that lady in the bible who had kids at 80!”

I honestly didn’t even know how to respond. She knows I come from a big family and I want babies someday. SO knew this when he chose me, and still knows this. SO basically said “mom shut up, are you trying to ruin my relationship??” So’s dad even spoke up and said “MIL stop it!! Why would you say that?? When they finish school, they will be established enough to support all their beautiful babies”

Then MIL went on a tirade about how her kids ruined her life and how she used to be “so cool” before! All of this was said in a jokey manner, but it was pretty intense. My mother has never expressed herself in that way about us, she has always said we (her kids) were the best thing to have happened to her.

This morning as I tried to wash the dishes we left, she told me to “move you’re in my space” as she shoo’d me away from the kitchen. It just seemed so incredibly rude. I would never have done that to her or anyone. Its like she has NO ability to be kind or feminine or motherly. It just really hurt me. There are countless examples I could give, but this post would turn into something else completely.

I just want to be a good woman to my boyfriend, he seems to be defending me just fine when his mom makes comments in front of him. So I want to keep encouraging this behavior. But in regards to my relationship with his mom?? I just feel like Its a bit one-sided. Should I continue to ignore her jabs??

Its so against my being and personality to be aggressive and abrasive that the words to defend myself will not come out of my mouth, or I’m so clueless to her jabs that I wont realize it was hurtful until the next day or someone else comments on how rude or mean it was.

How do I navigate this? Please help