Bit of background: I used to smoke a lot of weed until about a year ago when it started making me paranoid. I quit cold turkey until a few weeks ago when I decided to smoke again.

For better understanding, my paranoia specifically revolved around my sexuality and how others perceived it. Simply put I thought I was gay and that other people thought I was gay too. Thing is though I never had actual gay thoughts. Hell back then I even forced myself to watch some gay porn and picture doing stuff with guys but the stuff didn't do it for me.

In the period since I quit, I got with several girls, even developing a couple minor oneitises along the way (which I got over), and didn't really think about those thoughts again.

However since I smoked up again, the same paranoia has been coming back. Once again no gay thoughts, just thoughts that I'm gay. This time though I'd like to really delve into it, as while I'm no hippie, I do believe that certain substances can help us understand ourselves better and conquer our egos. For that sake I'm posting here in the hopes that someone can help me.

I will say that I do have a theory of my own as to why these thoughts arise. I'm from a third world country and a number of years back, moved west (N. America) for school and to try and make something of myself. Since my move I've had difficulty reconciling my own masculinity with my previous identity. I believe that this paranoia is a manifestation of my own insecurity that I'm not masculine enough and am thus perceived as gay (where I'm from being gay is viewed as being soft in addition to being unnatural).

Even now with finding TRP and taking steps in line with RP principles, I still get feelings of inadequacy, and I think that my stoned mind is less able to suppress them than my sober mind. Or I could just be more sexually fluid than I thought and need to accept that (though I doubt that is the case).

What do you guys think?