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Help with a shit test

yistomorrow · 2021-06-02T03:46:57+00:00

A shit test I was given that stumped me in the moment that I still haven't figured out how to handle in the future. When dealing with a plate who wants...

yistomorrow

June 2, 2021

1 upvotes

/r/askTRP

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Post Information

Title	Help with a shit test
Author	yistomorrow
Upvotes	1
Comments	7
Date	June 2, 2021 3:46 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/nqclnc/help_with_a_shit_test/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/help-with-a-shit-test.773376 https://theredarchive.com/post/773376

Comments

[–]Current_Copy 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]yistomorrow[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

Noted.

Thank you.

This plate is long gone now. I broke it off with her. She was my only plate after my others broke. I caught oneitus, she was BPD, disrespectful, manipulated me into commitment, and eroded away at my self worth (having been raised by BPD and still having some rescuer programming). Decided to hard next verbally.

Initially I got with her and told her it was OPEN, in that time she'd constantly bitch for commitment. "I let you fuck me raw, what we do in the bedroom is special and you can feel it too, don't you want someone who wants just you" etc... I was using her to learn and get back into the game. Had a few other plates also. She cried while I was coming down from no sleep and a micro dose of LSD that she cared about me too much and had to cut things off so she wouldn't get hurt and had to NEVER SEE ME AGAIN. My abandonment triggers fired and I told her "the open thing isn't a DEAL breaker for me". We had the talk a few more times and she'd say as long as I wasn't out SEEKING other women and that I'd tell her if I was and if I fucked someone I'd wear a condom. I slowly was becoming pair bonded to damaged goods (BPD single mom, baby daddy in prison, I KNOW) and couldn't let her go. I tried to fuck other women and I'd just think about the crazy shit she'd let me do to her and how much better it was with her. (BPD women use sex to get deeper into your nervous system and are usually pretty successful unless you're a psychopath Dark Triad) I'd then hit her up and we'd have crazy sex. She blew up one time over nothing and said she needed to "let me go" so I said "I understand" and went NoContact. She reached out to me to "get her stuff back" and try to weasel her way back into my life (Called hoovering, like the vacuum). She gaslighted me and said she could change and all the problems were because I was inconsistent (I fell for this because I realized my actions and words didn't always line up since I was new to RP OLTRs, previously only plates and ONS or FWBs).

Decided to let her back in and "give a shot for real, I'd tell her ON MY TERMS" and somehow I never told her that. We fucked and all of a sudden I'm spending more time with her and acting beta. She started talking down to me and using condescending tones with me. We'd constantly fight about me "cheating" on her even though I still never gave her my commitment. All the hot submissive stuff she would do without me asking fell away (stopped cleaning my apt after sex, massaging me after sex, hitting me up all week about her day and what she was doing). She would demand me to text her more and if not she just needed to pull away more too. I could feel the incoming branch swing, felt like she was already plotting her escape, I could feel her cucking me/cheating. She deleted her message threads in her phone and had already lied to me previously about still being relationships with her ex clients (used to be a dominatrix). "BUT they never fucked she'd just tie them up, or tickle them or whip them, etc..." "never let them fuck her"... and she's now just scheduling their lives for them. They didn't play together anymore she couldn't do that anymore "sex is sacred now". She didn't tell me she was "just scheduling for them because it was a problem with ex's in the past, exs would get weird, etc...". I started checking her phone because I could feel she was cheating on me (maybe self fulfilling prophecy). More and more the stuff that made the relationship feel amazing was slipping away. The hot little submissive sex kitten that she originally was that wanted nothing in life but my approval and had her commitment even if I didn't want it was slipping away more and more. It felt like I was being talked to by my mother when she'd talk to me and I'd lose interest in even fucking her. Decided it was best to break it off with her.

I wrote this out for the first time as an exercise to remember how shitty she was. My mind keeps wanting to go back to the "good times". My ego is going through withdrawal and wants to blame me for not being "alpha enough" to maintain her or keep her as a plate and fuck others or let her walk away after the first talk. Honestly even if things worked out perfectly she still had 2 kids and was pining for a provider, had an emotional deficit (BPD), was consistently drama and chaos, and had an ex convict husband who was getting out of prison in 2 years.... Would have been a bad bitch to let on board my ship anyway.

Live and learn.

[–]Current_Copy 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]yistomorrow[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Absolutely.

I was meditating this morning and it was my guilt/shame.
I knew the red flags and I was just like whatever I'll ride this wave for the time. Used her as a "beta tester". I wasn't scared of losing her so I used her to try new things in bed and new "techniques" or game. Then she kept getting me shit and gifts that I tied to my new improving aspects in my life.

I basically shamed/guilted myself into staying with her because "there are red flags but look how much she cares, don't be an asshole" mentality. I'm learning it has to do with my childhood. We trauma bonded.

I deleted her from all social media. She hung out from time to time with a new social group I was building (which added to the guilt/pressure). I let her go and the reason I was able to validate it in my mind was to get back on my game. I fell off so hard. She was a "beta tester" that became a "main" and it made me so fucking lazy. Since I didn't have to try to keep her around I stopped trying and pushing myself.

Also I have a rescuer/martyr/narcissistic complex. After she apologized we were like "lets fix each other because we know we have these problems and love is supposed to hurt and be work right" more BP conditioning from my parents. I'm learning.

[–]yistomorrow[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I have a brick and mortar business in town. I stopped going out and wasting my time drinking thanks to covid. Started back on my hobbies (the business was consuming me) lifting, reading, music, meditation/spirituality. Was starting a tribe and created a meditation group in the park. I was doing ME for the first time.
She showed up and I thought I had done the work and was ready to get back into game. "used" her for awhile while stating what I was and wanted, but she chipped away at my frame little by little, and it echoed into my other plates. All my other plates broke. I should have just pulled away from her when she was "abusive, disrespectful" but I thought I was strong enough to keep riding and "break in the bronco" but I was still new to OLTRs and learned my lesson.
Back to the grind and rebuilding myself. Luckily she didn't do too much damage, mostly psychological and emotional, but that helps me realize where I still need work. Realizing what is valuable and what isn't. Most of my past relationships were toxic women (my parents did a great job of showing me what that looked like) but in the time I had her and a valuable woman, so I now have a strong basis for what the two look like and a strong reminder of what the fuck to avoid.

Funny thing I had the rule no single moms, and broke it for her. She said "don't you trust me, come on we have so much in common" I decided fuck it lets try this. Since we were trauma bonded it felt like "soul mate" but that's just because she was broken like my mother was and I was a rescuer narcissist. Helps me see where my programing allowed me to get manipulated.

[–]Intrepid_Place5390 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link