Two goals:

  1. "I am going to be a software engineer at google" << i find that weak. it is small, boring, limited. i can make $120-150k in 2018 if i work hard, almost for sure, but as i said it is weak, small, boring, limited to me. i don't like software engineering. i can't imagine myself being a software engineer. when i'm working for this goal, my brain is not fully functioning.

  2. "I am going to create products that I am proud of, until i make 50 million dollars, and then i will keep creating such products until i die" << this is a mission i can dedicate myself into. i love this. i am good at this. this is big. huge potential. i own all of the results. this keeps my eyes wide open. this excites me to jump out of bed in the morning. this makes my brain fully functioning.

for legal reasons, i can do #1 first, for 5 years. once 5 years has passed, i can fully commit myself to #2.

if i go for #2 right now, there is a high chance that i will fail. the chance is so high that any sane person would not go for it. there are legal restrictions that prevent me from doing fundemental things. i am not allowed to get paid, create a company, hire people, chase my goals fully. let alone fully, i can perhaps chase this goal on 20% capacity. and that includes making use of loopholes, workarounds, offshore setups and bullshit like that. not worth it on the paper. if do #1 for 5 years, i will be able to chase #2 with full capacity.

i sometimes get angry at my circumstances, and occupy my mind with useless crap instead of biting the bullet and working hard for #1. i am stubborn against the reality, which is that i should pursue #1 even tough it is boring, and delay my real life mission for 5 years. being stubborn against reality is not healthy. i am not sure why i am doing this.

Anyone here delayed their life mission for a long time? Any tips for my situation?

ps. i understand you may wonder why "5 years" or how come "20%". they are there to illustrate the situation as briefly and accurately as possible.