original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/ny1k4g/how_to_regain_respect_once_lost/?%24deep_link=true&correlation_id=ada39554-9ff5-4c6f-9a2d-b9b1f680c558&ref=email_post_reply&ref_campaign=email_post_reply&ref_source=email&%243p=e_as&_branch_match_id=932685078381936208Everyone requested details. I'm a private person so it's hard to get detailed on the internet but I'll do my best.

We're in our early 20s and in a mostly long distance relationship for now. He's portrayed himself as being the man of my dreams and we've spent about 5 years getting to know each other. We've met each other's families and visited several times. The problem is that when we argue, he blames his terrible memory for not remembering things... he'll try to get out of any responsibility whatsoever as far as the argument goes. I still respected him despite our bad habits during disagreements but lately I've found out he's not good with his finances and has allowed a family member to completely take advantage of him (and he thinks it was a great financial move!) he lets others use him, most especially his family and he comes across as a doormat. His family seem like manipulative narcissists who clearly don't value me very much and have no problem treating me poorly and attempting to make decisions *for* me and him. He didn't see the issue with this and said they meant no harm.

I'm also to blame because since I've seen these red flags I've been on his case about every little thing to try and "fix" him. Our fights have gone from very mild and loving to much harsher and volatile. I've been in a bad relationship once before and I know to leave early, which is why I've even brought that up but he says he doesn't want to break up and he'll try and do better. It's been a week and I've so far seen no changes.

He has no memory of his own, he actually can't remember if his brother's memories are his own and his brother has such a claim on him! He's the younger child and he's been borderline abused by his older brother in some of the stories he tells (abuse in my opinion not his) and there's clearly an unhealthy thing. I sometimes feel like he encourages me to speak first so that he can copy my answers because he has no opinion of his own (how messed up is it to think that?)

He's much better than my ex ever was.. My family loves him and he's a likeable guy but I've been seeing red flags. I'd like to save this relationship if possible but I'm not afraid to leave if he can't change.

(Also he spends money on stupid things instead of trying to save to make a life for us. His brother works at the same place as he does and has furthered his career while my boyfriend has not. His brother also convinces him to make stupid financial decisions that HE will benefit from and my boyfriend will not.)

I'm not a gold digger, I knew my boyfriend didn't have a fancy degree or some big career when I met him. It doesn't bother me if my future husband has no "fancy status" or if we are not rich, but.. it's important to me that he makes the best of his situation no matter where he works and that he tries to further his career no matter where he's employed. I guess I'm beginning to view him as lazy.