Mind Games / Red Flags when Planning Second Date

625 points•687 comments•submitted by stringerbell12 to r/datingoverthirty2

I (31M) went on a first date with a girl (29F) last week, I planned the date and picked the location yada yada and it went really well. We continue texting and decide to meet up again for a second date the next week. I ask her what night works, she says she has tentative plans on Thursday night for a workout class but it still may work/ she can cancel so we go with that.

Fast forward to yesterday, I playfully text her "So what are we doing on Thursday?" and she responds with a long response about how since I asked her on a date its my job to plan the date, etc etc. I quickly respond how I was just being playful / am happy to plan the date / just more wanted to see if she had any ideas since the last date was your typical dinner and drinks. She continues to go on about effort and how its the person who asks the person out's job to come up with the idea, and that its a sign of putting in effort. I agree effort is one thing but my text was 100% playful and honestly on second dates most woman I have dated like to help come up with an idea for the next date when I have planned the first.

I end up making a reservation shortly thereafter for drinks and send her the details and she doesn't respond for ~6 hours, and then comes back later in the evening with "hey I can't get out of my other plans and also I wouldn't since you weren't willing to put forward the effort to make solid plans." I was shocked, it would be one thing if it really was that she couldn't get out of it but since she added the caveat it just really felt like she was playing games. I told her I don't really have time for these games and she started going off on how I wasn't putting in any effort and she doesn't have time for that etc etc. She also tells me I should have then asked her what night would work since Thursday no longer worked. Now in my mind I'm thinking this seems like a game, if you want to still go out another night wouldn't you respond "hey Thursday won't work, but how about Friday?" Continuing to put the onus on me to plan / come up with alternate date times seems like a game to me.

I ended up keeping it civil and telling her I don't think this will work out and she responded with one last snippy text about how I was "gaslighting" her and that she wouldn't be going out with me anymore (even though I had just said this wasn't working for the above reasons.)

I think I already know the answer, but is my intuition right and I am dodging a major bullet here by moving on and letting this one go? I have already told her I am moving on and removed her from social media.