Question: How many of you are married, what is your marriage like, and what does your wife think of TRP lifestyle/logic/theory?

Archwinger · 2013-11-17T21:44:32+00:00

Married about 5.5 years. Have a two-year-old. Sex once a month, sometimes less frequently. If I bring up the issue, it leads to a stupid argument that I mostly ignore while walking away to get a beer, but definitely doesn't lead to sex. It's actually exciting -- about 50% of the time, I come home to a loving woman who appreciates everything I do for our family and thinks I'm her hero. About 50% of the time, I come home to an irrational bitch I want to strangle. You never know what you're going to get. Always an adventure.

I work out six days a week. I'm not huge and buff -- small frame, in my 30s, probably don't eat enough or work the right stuff, and I actually over-train a bit, don't rest enough, and never get enough sleep. It's hard to find the time to really build mass when you're working full time and have a 2-year-old. But I'm cut as hell. Not an ounce of fat on me. I'm all lean muscle mass. I look pretty awesome with a shirt off, for a guy built like a runner instead of a football player, and I sweat confidence. I have no problems with my appearance.

I'm smart, over-educated, and have a six figure job. I take good care of my family.

Where I fall short is social acumen. I was a dorky, nose-picking, friendless kid up until high school. While everyone else was learning how to interact and be cool, I was reading books and playing video games. Fast forward to today. While socially connected people network well and get legs up in their careers, I've had to work twice as hard. My wife frequently calls me a "loser." I clawed my way up from a guy who couldn't find work out of school to a guy with a six-figure salary. I've done good. But because I'm a little socially awkward and not well connected, I'm a "loser."

That's where dread game and self-improvement are falling short for me. As long as my wife is comfortable that I'm socially inept, it doesn't matter how buff I get or how successful I am professionally. She doesn't seriously consider the possibility that I might pull the interest of another woman. I've been slowly upping my alpha behavior, little by little. You can't undo ten years of beta (we dated for 5 before marrying) by just coming home and being an asshole one day. But things have been on a (very) slow improvement curve the more I stonewall and laugh at her nonsense shit tests. What I really need to do is up my social skills, then engineer a few social events where she'll spot me happily chatting with a few girls twice as hot, and younger.

My wife hates TRP. Every time I observe something about men and women (not usually about her, but about a friend, some couple on TV, or something -- just making conversation), she looks at me like I'm high and tells me I'm full of shit. Lately, she's been screaming at me that I've turned into some kind of cocky asshole and she doesn't know me any more. I insist that the only thing that's changed is her perception, then quit responding to her irrational bitching. When she catches me reading non-fiction, she demands to know why I'm trying to change who I am. "Why are you reading the 48 laws of power? You're trying to be someone you're not." Honestly, I'm really enjoying reading more non-fiction, on a variety of topics of interest. I'm in my 30s. It's time to grow up and read stuff that actually betters myself. And that's what I tell her. She hates it.

Clauderoughly · 2013-11-17T19:21:51+00:00

I am a married Rp'er and my wife is very happy with our relationship.

She likes that we both have our roles, and that I lead and she follows.

RPrecruit · 2013-11-18T02:09:56+00:00

I've been married for 7 years, together for 9. When we first got together I would have been considered a natural alpha. I had my plates and all that. Got together with my future wife and all that went by the way-side.

Over the years I became more and more of a beta-ized chump. I see that now. Beta decisions I have made over the years are staggering to me to think about now. Poor, poor choices for pussy.

As expected the amount of sex dried up and beta me thought that by escalating beta behaviours (being a nice guy) would sort that out. As I know now, wasted effort on my part.

Discovered TRP about 3 weeks ago, also found /r/becomeaman (love both these sub-reddits btw), and have consumed and acclimated as much of the content as I can. I've read all the Year-One stuff on Rational Male, and am working through the Year Two stuff right now.

Started getting my shit together, Got a new job for the New Year, starting working out, and am teaching myself to run. Major self improvement stuff for me. More importantly, I'm not tailoring my behaviours to try to get my wife to fuck me. Pussy is now number 5 on my list of important things. Me, Money, My Son, and Family are now 1 through 4.

Not going to lie, the last 3 weeks have not been a cake walk for me. Its tough. I've made mistakes, I know that. But now I can see where they are and improve them. It's been a 3 week battle for frame control. She is not giving in easy. But neither am I any more. I know its working though. 2 days ago was a surprise BJ. There hasn't been a surprise BJ in years. But also a lot of " I hate how you talk to me now" and "why are you acting like such a jerk?" Just her throwing shit tests (and lots of them) to see if I will budge from my new perspective.

It's funny though. Right now almost everything is a shit test from her to try and knock me out of my frame. But each time its just making my frame stronger and validating what I'm seeing here. So thank you Red Pill!

To answer the question raised by OP, my wife seems to hate RP lifestyle, but she will respect me more for it after she fully acclimates to it. If she doesn't or becomes too much trouble then I will have to bite the bullet and take an "L". A month ago I wouldn't have even considered that an option. Now its an option that is on the table for me. I deserve to be happy. My sole purpose on this planet is not to make some bitch happy, but rather to make my self happy and provide the best life possible to me and my son. She can either be part of that or get the fuck out the way!!

This was way longer than I thought it would be. I must have been holding on to this for a while. Haha.

trplurker · 2013-11-18T03:29:35+00:00

Most girls aren't going to visibly agree with it, doing so would compromise whatever power they have amassed. Women constantly seek to acquire social power by altering the frame.

Gstreetshit · 2013-11-18T14:35:51+00:00

I'm happily married to an awesome women. My wife is good with TRP behavior and despises new wave feminism. She isn't afraid of work and also looks forward to raising a family.

slfnflctd · 2013-11-18T15:53:45+00:00

Been with my wife for over 10 years. Started out more alpha - although with no idea what I was doing - then went beta pretty fast through lack of discipline and failing to maintain frame (always had trouble with that, I'm smart but not quick-witted-- memorization is the way to overcome this, working on it). Relationship went to hell early on but I felt 'stuck', in large part due to my own poor choices.

Like with others in this thread, my wife professes disdain for red pill concepts while responding to them quite readily. She claims to have bought into the idea that attractiveness is a malleable, subjective social construct, yet flat out admits she herself isn't attracted to fat guys (any more than I'm attracted to her when she's heavier, which has of course been for 90% of our relationship). I've never actually discussed TRP with her directly as I know her well enough to be able to predict the nuclear-level hamster detonation which would occur, but if we stay together long enough for her to acclimate as I steer us through the full transition, one day it should make sense to her on some level (even though her ego probably won't allow her to completely accept it).

I recently realized that I've had a mix of alpha and beta traits since I was a kid, it's just that I leaned toward beta because of a stifling over-religious upbringing and because I was conditioned by my dad's temper tantrums (and physically stronger bullies) to avoid conflict. I thought it was 'easier' that way, and ended up really fucking myself over. This long-running conditioning is taking time to turn around.

For a while I'd given up, then went through a phase of trying to set up enough incentives for myself to push past the blocks. My doctor telling me my blood pressure & cholesterol were too high was the tipping point. For the past couple months I've all but eliminated alcohol, drastically changed my diet and have been working out like a machine. I still struggle with the depression and regret that got me here at times, but focusing on concrete tasks usually pulls me out of it-- and there are days where I feel absolutely unstoppable & fantastic now (while sober), which didn't happen for many years.

My job was holding me back, so I saved up enough for over 6 months of my share of expenses and quit. I'm setting up multiple ways to earn income independently now, as well as finally taking care of a lot of home improvement stuff that was part of what was making me feel 'stuck'. I also directly informed my wife that she is not the last person I'm ever going to have sex with in my life. She's resisted me on everything, but not quite as much as I expected - perhaps in part because of my gradual, somewhat stoic, low key approach - and she is happier than she's been in a long time, even offering BJs (again, as others have reported). Things are looking up. This shit works, guys.

why_downvote_mods · 2013-11-17T15:05:52+00:00

guarantee there's lots of deluded married TRPers who think it could never happen to them

keep it interesting and stay sexy fellas

FortunateBum · 2013-11-18T00:58:38+00:00

LTR for a couple of years. Live together. I keep her at an emotional distance and it seems to work. Sex has petered off into almost nothing but I don't whine about it. I'm sure it'll come back eventually. Most important to me is that she works, makes more than me, and is not impossible to live with. Yeah, she's bitchy and complains about everything, but I've learned to accept and deal since all women will do that.

Don't know what to tell you if you're thinking of "settling down". If your finances are solid, I wouldn't do it. What's the point? Family? Marry the most kept 18-year-old you can find who wants to play house.

ajswdf · 2013-11-17T19:54:26+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Question: How many of you are married, what is your marriage like, and what does your wife think of TRP lifestyle/logic/theory?
Author	ruve
Upvotes	15
Comments	35
Date	November 17, 2013 2:25 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1qto0g/question_how_many_of_you_are_married_what_is_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/question-how-many-of-you-are-married-what-is-your.8032 https://theredarchive.com/post/8032

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