((First post to reddit...))

 

I'm a socially-Alpha male, 100%. Highschool class president, public speaker, funny, congenial. Active listener. Went to college on a theatre scholarship- star of many big plays. Musician. Makes friends easily. I'm perfectly confident speaking in front of any group of people for any reason under any circumstances. I have never had any approach anxiety in my entire life, even to the hottest of girls in public. I'd say I'm fortunately good looking and with great career prospects (working on that now). I exercise regularly. My friends say I'm the most confident person they know.  

Also the nicest.  

Fell so hard for an HB9.5+ this past year, like never before. I've been all over the world, met literally millions of people and I do (still) genuinely think she is very special. Very smart (full ride to University), so witty (hard to impress me there), Buddhist (Vietnamese), and just cool- we spoke the same language, etc etc etc. Never had such mutual chemistry as when we met. Oneitis extreme, like never before.  

The thing is, I have always done these public things and have always had women throw themselves at ME- I am 32 and have never had to learn how to flirt with women. So despite this Oneitis being totally into me at first, my extreme "romantic" Beta came out in full force almost immediately. I did everything wrong- too much texting, wrote her a lovey letter right away, flowers, helped her with shit, told her how beautiful she was, never really teased her or kino- everything Disney and the media taught me was necessary. Waited for HER to make the first move out of "respect," even when I now see she clearly was giving me opportunities. Move never came, of course. Textbook case.  

I was so confused as to why she was visibly and obviously pulling back with each "act" I did. Eventually I got the LJBF, which I fortunately declined, albeit in a pretty Beta way. Never even kissed.  

Went to therapy after this, read relationship books, hundreds (literally) hours of relationship podcasts, and finally found TRP about a month after the LJBF. Everything then clicked: ultimately, the Man has to lead- at all times. I devoured No More Mr Nice Guy, Deida, Rational Male, Pook, Juggler, Charisma Myth, PUA, What Every Body is Saying. I am someone who works on himself constantly and it was actually pretty easy to implement these inward changes in my life after only a couple months. Not all, of course, but the Alpha mindset is now there, and getting stronger each day.  

It's only been a few months since discovering TRP but I have had more success with women the past several weeks than I have in my entire life. Flirting with women is so fun, and I'm optimistic about the future. While I know this was a necessary and fortunate thing to learn, as most men never realize the truths of TRP, it just blows that I couldn't have learned these things sooner, before meeting the Oneitis. I do still genuinely think she is really special, which I know means I haven't fully gotten past it.  

My point is, RP truths, to me, aren't what tastes bitter- it's the way I acted when I look back that stings. I'm not a dumb guy, I did what I was falsely conditioned to do to "win" her; what I thought was right. And it was clear that she wanted to want me, but couldn't, of course. "Like being full from just eating and being offered a 5-star meal," it's just impossible to want a Nice Guy, I get it all now. I really respect this girl, and I am now so incredibly embarrassed by how I acted. No Game- at 32! I never cried or begged, but I was absolutely a doormat and I am positive she saw me as truly pathetic and weak- and even looked at me with sincere and 'caring' pity at the end. And I don't blame her. Yes there were some yellow (and maybe red) flags with her but the way I now interact with women is completely different and I know if we had met today it would have been totally different.  

I have not contacted her since I declined the LJBF (4 months ago) and I refuse to do so. I'm not on social media. Ran into her a couple times in town and we basically ignored each other (she flipped/fixed her hair after I walked away last time which I was proud of, haha), but the energy was so strong. Next time I run into her I think I'll be strong enough to tell the butterflies to fuck off and nonchalantly establish frame, but we'll see. Getting numbers has been pretty easy at this point, and the plan now is to GFTO(H)G, of course, and keep lifting/exercising.  

I still catch myself cringing with extreme regret at my bitch-ass Beta past though. That's what really stings.  

Can you relate?

 

Edit: formatting