Bad weekend with LTR

Herdsengineers · 2017-02-02T18:15:21+00:00

Whether you next her or not, she's playing control games you are better off without. The whole "don't tell him I was here" thing - there's an unspoken "I don't have to do what he tells me, I'm not beholden to him" message there. She's saying "he doesn't control me".

Now she's busted and worried about being nexted, though, she's clearly saying "oh shit, if you don't leave me i'll let you control me." It's a fear of abandonment. This stuff turns into sick cycles of behavior. Best thing is to not step into the cycle with her.

It's better to be in a LTR with a woman that will act appropriately and follow through on what she says she will do on her own. Because she wants to. Not because she fears what will happen if she doesn't. Not because she feels controlled. Because she chooses to do it.

You have to be stoic and calm when a woman does this. If she misbehaves, then you simply let her. Have a consistent frame, and a consistent response. You don't have to tell her to fuck off, but the next day, when she is trying to contact you, be silent. When you finally talk to her, just tell her you want a woman that has her shit together, chooses to be with you, chooses to follow through on what she tells you, and you don't want to bother trying to control someone. Then tell her she can do what she wants, when she wants. What she chooses to do tells you where her mind is regarding the relationship. If she acts like she respects and values what she has with you, she'll act like it. If she doesn't, she won't act like it. Period.

Then tell her you want a woman that respects and values you, and you won't be with a woman that doesn't. Then hang up and go about your day. You can then wait to see what she does, or immediately next her. Both options can be good ones depending on what else is in the relationship for you.

Just don't let her get you angry. Be with her (or any woman) if she is mature and grown up enough to be a good partner. A woman that plays games like this, most of them are so used to it and their usual BP guys playing the game with them (and even enjoying the power trip after having none in the relationship), accepting okay yeah don't go out drinking without me again, etc. that it's a shock to the system when a guy walks rather than play the game. Some are capable of the introspection to grow up and can still become good partners. Only way to know is to put her on notice, not play the game, and see what she does. Let this situation be your filter, if she needs to be filtered out, she'll show you.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2017-02-02T18:34:50+00:00

You think this shit is going to get better? Why LTR up a ho'?

abdada · 2017-02-02T17:27:18+00:00

Never LTR a woman still in the alcoholism phase.

Downgrade her to a plate and stick to your guns.

All my LTRs in the past 12ish years have been sober, and I never once had to deal with this bullshit.

You're committed to a girl who isn't committed to herself even.

DonaldBaelish · 2017-02-02T17:22:35+00:00

Eh , it is your fault you are LTRing losers.

She apologised the next day loads of times , I don't hold frame because I suck at that an tell her to get fucked.

So much for knowing the problem and not doing anything about it.

night club

So she even went clubbing without you? Thats the message.

This is probably a pre-TRP relationship. Hard next her and vet properly next time. Post-TRP LTRs are the best.

7Fig · 2017-02-02T20:02:22+00:00

Why would you wait around until midnight for her? That is fucking crazy. Either go to bed and get a great start to your next day or have your own shit to do.

She knew you'd wait like a good little puppy. Even worse you waited until you heard from her. If you make plans stick to them. Frame isn't some magical moment here or there. Frame is the construct of your entire world. Right now you live in her world. Move out and move in to a life you actually care about.

redolas · 2017-02-02T20:14:19+00:00

She's not your LTR. She's a side ho at best.

Instant demotion. Find some better ones.

mordanus · 2017-02-02T18:20:14+00:00

"You had your chance to prove to me what kind of person you are."

Gawernator · 2017-02-02T18:08:04+00:00

Break up with her. She's not mature or trustworthy, find a better girl.

ecosci · 2017-02-02T20:51:02+00:00

Next,women cant respect men that put up with bs.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2017-02-03T00:24:22+00:00

Actually, in spite of losing frame (which you need to fix), given the information from your bro, you probably played it really well as dread. Now act like YDGAF and use text for logistics to fuck her.

GeorgeWallace1968 · 2017-02-02T19:02:24+00:00

Set up a situation where you slam her at her place, play her out for anal then afterwards, get up and say you're going to the bathroom to clean up but actually sneak out the bathroom window and go hard no contact, delete and block on all social media. Go hard no contact for 2-3 weeks then when she inevitably re-initiates contact, everything will be unconditionally on your terms. This establishes dominance of the physical and emotional domains for the duration of your relationship.

Title	Bad weekend with LTR
Author	kingsome
Upvotes	16
Comments	17
Date	February 2, 2017 5:16 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5ro1qq/bad_weekend_with_ltr/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/bad-weekend-with-ltr.81827 https://theredarchive.com/post/81827

Comments