I like the description; Because anonymous advice is still better than going it alone in family court.

Hope to get some advise / thoughts here. I read through several posts about alcoholism but didn't find any where the spouse is fully supported by the other.

So, married 17 years. The severe alcoholism surfaced soon after getting married but not so much during dating so it was a surprise but I not really. She gets into treatment for a month, comes out and is sober for the next 4-5 years. After I start traveling quite a bit for work she starts drinking heavily again with young boys at home. I get back & she goes into treatment which lasts anywhere from 1 week to 8-9 months. This cycle continues on for years. To date she hasn't threatened suicide or become violent, but in the latest cycle she's gotten very verbally abusive.

She's on the tail end of a week long bender - spent the last 3 nights in a hotel room and late this evening she checked into a local rehab/mental hospital who sends her to the ER with BP of 168/97. They call me and I come down for an hour and they're to send her back to the clinic after she's stable.

So, I've told her that I don't see a future for us if she's not going to put forth any effort towards getting sober by taking the doc's advice; diet, exercise & spirituality.

She;

1) Has no job

2) Doesn't do a decent job of taking care of things around the house

3) Doesn't keep up with medical needs of our sons; annual visits to doc/dentist/etc., says she will but things always come up

4) Doesn't attend AA or other groups (not for her)

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I'm wondering if I can start the divorce process, get everything processed so that if (when) she screws up again, I can just boot her out of the house?

I've read the advice on documenting behaviors, should this be surreptitiously or blatantly? I figure if I pull out the phone and film her that our house will be ground zero for WW3, I've tried before and it's not gone well.

How are assets split up in a case where the other doesn't contribute "anything"? How about alimony to her when she doesn't have a job and likely won't be able to get a job to support herself? She really doesn't have friends except a few on the fringes of AA. She won't be given custody (boys are now 15 & 16) and won't want to visit if she's been drinking. Her family & 27 yr old daughter will support me in court regarding full custody as they've all pitched in to help when I've been out of town.

Deep down she is a wonderful caring person and I do still love her and if she gets sober and puts forth effort to being sober (and a productive family member) then I can see a future, but as of now - not at all.

Is there any chance she'd get our house since she can't afford to move out? How would they calculate her earning potential since she's been out of work for 13 years raising our boys? I can't see how I'd pay for her to live somewhere else and pay for our home, isn't she responsible for a % of her living expenses? Also have about $150k in 401k - hate to cough that up. She should be responsible for paying for her daughter's student loan payments that of course I've been paying on her behalf. If she gets nothing out of this deal and can't make these payments, I'd be happy to help pay since she's such a great kid.

Crazy times for me - thinking I need to get back into my old alanon mens group

Appreciate ya'lls thoughts

Walt