Filing this week, any suggestions

SpacemanLost · 2019-08-26T05:44:41+00:00

Any pointers or suggestions?

Prepare for the worst, but hope for the best.

Is there anything I need to do to protect myself and not get screwed over?

I know we are supposed to be living an age of equality and all that, but truth is that when yout, the husband of a SHAM or near-SHAM files for Divorce, she will more often (than when the roles are reversed) unleash the hounds of hell on you to fight dirty and gain an advantage, and it will come out of nowhere. In fact they will often try and lure you into a false sense of calm until you can be hit a restraining order, bank accounts cleaned out, kids taken somewhere you don't know, etc. I tend to believe the basis for this comes from several aspects of our society and socialization and well as built in programming (mommy complex, etc). But to go down that line would be detracting.

Get ALL your ducks in a row, and safeguard everything of value. You got some good advice that I would repeat over in r/Divorce - get copies of all financial records, including hers (credit card bills, student loans, tax returns) and the originals of everything you need and value - and secretly (i.e. don't let her know or tip her off if you can avoid it) remove them to a safe location - I'd suggest renting a small storage unit.

Also, remove items of personal value and sentiment - When my D was going down, my ex took my High School Yearbooks and an 1876 Silver Dollar out of my bedside table that was handed down from my Great Grandpa.

Get copies or originals of all records relating to your kids, from birth certs to vaccination records. You may need them later, and she can play games with you when it comes to custody and visitation by saying "whoops! can't find them..."

Check the laws in your state. http://www.realworlddivorce.com/Indiana is a start, but may be out of date on some items. Your lawyer, if good, should be up to date.

Prepare for future interactions with her to turn difficult. Due to the Deluth Model if the cops are called for any altercation, YOU WILL be the one taken to jail due to having testicles, even if all you do is curl up on the floor while she kicks the shit out of you. Some (shark) lawyers will advise her to do this to gain the upper hand in the divorce. See http://www.realworlddivorce.com/DomesticViolence for some sobering information on the risks of being a man in your situation.

Consider getting a VAR (Voice activated recorder) shipped overnight from Amazon (look online for recommendations in divorce or surviving affairs groups) to help protect yourself both from false accuastions and just to be able to go bank and prove what was said if later she claims something different or that she forgot. Indiana is a "one-party consent" state, so as long as YOU consent to the recording, it's ok.

Also, tomorrow - go open your own bank account(s) that she doesn't have access to. Change your direct depoist to it. Consider moving 1/2 of savings and other assets to new accounts in your name only. Consider opening these accounts at a different bank if you think she could social engineer access to them. Consider strongly freezing any joint credit cards or lines of credit so that she can't run them up - as the sole breadwinner, you'll almost certainly be assigned 100% of the debt.

Try to avoid moving out of the marital home as that will put you in a much worse position custody wise. This is why her lawyer may advise her to get a restraining order against you. If she does get an RO filed against you, fight it ALL the way so it does not wind up on your record (even if dismissed), or it can cause problems down the lines.

Finally, note that ALL of my advice is about protecting you and not about harming her. You have an uphill battle ahead.

Edit: Consider informing all family and friends with an email or such that explains the basics of what they need to know and why when you drop the bomb on her. I don't know your previous handle, so I don't know WHY you are divorcing, but if any part of it is her fault, she very likely will feel a super strong compulsion to come across as a 100% victim, and actively tell people lies in an attempt to ret-con your marital history into painting you as a monster. This has the dual purpose of being a narrative to use in court to extract the maximum amount of pain and money from you while keeping you from your kids as much as possible. To that end, if you have evidence of being a great dad, secure it.

Also, consider changing and/or locking down all your online accounts from facebook and email to your cell phone provider. Expect her to block you from all of her social media and any other ability to see what she is up to.

david_velasquez05 · 2019-08-26T04:05:23+00:00

I would say if you both make about the same money file per se and see if you can both work out custody. If you are the main bread winner then lawyer up, but be careful lawyering up before her if she makes a lot less than you l, they can try and get you to pay her fees.

david_velasquez05 · 2019-08-26T16:00:49+00:00

Don’t make any big decisions regard separation of any assets or custody for as long as you can hold out. Hopefully she is reasonable and if she is, try hard to come to terms on your own. Treat it very seriously and protect yourself like communicating via email. This way you can show that you tried if she gets unreasonable. If your in a state that has child support and alimony guidelines look them up and get an idea. Maybe even sweeten the pot before lawyers because it will be a lot more expensive with lawyers even if you settle out of court.

SkeptiCynical · 2019-08-28T19:51:21+00:00

Read the sidebar. It's all there.

Title	Filing this week, any suggestions
Author	t3ch-guy-19
Upvotes	1
Comments	8
Date	August 26, 2019 3:23 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/cvilly/filing_this_week_any_suggestions/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/filing-this-week-any-suggestions.819276 https://theredarchive.com/post/819276

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