Divorce: Paralyzed then Grief then Depression then Major Depression. It's a Slippery Slope.

18 points•2 comments•submitted by loudbounce[M] to r/Divorcedonts

I call it the Slippery Slope and both ex-spouses can fall into this trap

 

Everyone experiences grief after a divorce, at least most do. Obviously, this is totally normal, you wouldn't be human if you didn't experience the full spectrum of emotions.

 

Stage 1 ~ Paralyzed

What often happens especially if you are a non-custodial parent is total shock This leaves one paralyzed, deer in the headlights and shell shocked to where conflict avoidance turns into people avoidance.

 

Stage 2 ~ Grief

In my experience, grief has two phases. First, your ex carries the majority of the blame. Second, it's your fault all of it. Obsessing with what you could have done, beating yourself up over minutia and trying to convince yourself you just suck. The grief stage is essentially bi-polar. Her fault, My fault, Her jobs fault, my jobs fault etc. It's mental ping-pong, and it's a waste of time and sleep. Every marriage has two participants, and every divorce has two people that contributed to the unraveling of the partnership.

 

Stage 3 ~ Depression

Grief can cause social isolation. Social isolation can cause depression. Grief and depression are two very different things. Grief is sadness that is situational. Depression is not. Depression is no longer about the divorce, custody or family court, it's summed up in one word Apathy!

Depression can lead one to become indifferent to what happens in the future.

 

Stage 4 ~ Major Depression

Depression turns into Major Depression like a theif in the night. Missing visitation with the kids or skipping your weekend with them. Sleeping to much or not at all. The albatross of this stage is substance abuse. 9 times out of 10 ~ Alcohol.

 

It's very easy especially for men to go from Stage 1 to 4 in the blink of an eye. What's important is to recognize no one is immune because it's all to normal. Divorce is tough and can send the strongest person to waver. You don't want to let it get to stage 4.

The main thing is to avoid social isolation! That's it! Social isolation is how you go from grief to major depression. So get out and interact even if it's chatting up a bartender. !

 

~ r/divorcedonts