moving on.

sleeze02 · 2019-04-17T01:22:26+00:00

It’s very hard to be honest; the uncertainty level is high. The feeling of ‘now what?’ hits you like a ton of bricks. It’s a pulsing recovery as well; some days are better than others. Good luck

Assaultcow · 2019-04-17T01:41:48+00:00

Dude. You couldn't be in a better age and time to be single after a marriage.

You're super young (average age of divorce is over 40 for both genders) so you're at your peak physical health and attractiveness. You live in 2019 where we can just install apps and connect with random girls around your area (this never existed before) and because you're so young you likely don't have a huge net worth combined so hopefully there won't be a massive legal battle.

You literally can just start your life again with minimal upset in the long term.

You will be fine. It's the fear (based on nothing but your thoughts) that's scaring the shit out of you. The reality is you will meet new people and women a lot faster than you think.

Beware, divorce is no joke. You and your wife will likely end up hating each other due to the process itself. And with a child involved, expect to see a lot less of her.

Best of luck. And don't catch any STDs.

Nyancash · 2019-04-17T16:07:51+00:00

Being single is awesome. Have fun. Get hobbies. Success is the best revenge

Tiger8438 · 2019-04-17T04:06:33+00:00

You seem young to have been together for "so many years." But if you've been exclusive since high school (or maybe even younger) I can understand the uncertainty. But without more background, it's hard for us (specifically me[45m, married 20+ years]) to understand how a 23yo would need advice on how to be alone after so many years.

You've got lots going for you. Like u/Assaultcow said, you're really in your prime. It would be an ideal divorce scenario except you have a kid. They complicate divorce. But on the plus side you're not as alone as you think; you've got a partner in this; your child. Relish the time with your kid to be the best dad you can be. When your STBX has your child, find hobbies, join a gym, meditate, journal, work on yourself to be the best version of you that you want to be.

As others have said, divorce is a very tough row to hoe. Don't be afraid to ask for help from friends, family, us. Don't be afraid to seek counseling. Keep the positive influences in your life in front of you. Focus on them (friends family, your kid), it'll keep you moving forward.

Don't be afraid to have bad days too. You are going through a loss. You will need time to grieve. Don't deprive yourself of that. It is also very important. This also goes along with taking care of yourself. You can't take care of somebody else if you're not caring for yourself first. You and your kid are your highest priority.

It probably seems like lots of conflicting advice, but it is mostly situational. Regardless, you are going to be fine, and without any background, I'm hopeful that you may still reconcile.

dsans571 · 2019-04-18T05:00:32+00:00

I went through something very similar. Dated a girl from 17-22, had a kid at 22 and we broke up right after at 22 (never married). Because I wasn’t at my peak earning potential, child support was reasonable. I took this opportunity to start my life over. I saved from age 23-26, I went back to school and even studied abroad for a month one summer, and started a new career as a software engineer after I graduated. There were definitely times when I had to work extra hard and it sucked, but I got through it. I was able to successfully represent myself through multiple contentious visitation and child support hearings, study, work, and consistently see my son. I didn’t come from a rich family or anything, but I did live at home for some of those years. It was a crazy hustle, but I had a lot of fun in between. The first few years are painful, though. In my situation, we were each other’s first serious partner, so it was exceptionally painful in the beginning. It gets better though. You need to be smart, which is easier said than done in these situations. I didn’t do everything perfectly. But I came out the other side with way more equity than I would have had if I divorced at 32, have a great relationship with my son, and a career I love. Play your cards right and you will be ok. Better that this happens now than when you are 30, 40, or 50. They would have nuked your life’s work and savings.

IHighEyesi · 2019-04-21T04:01:53+00:00

I’m right there with you brother; my wife and I have been together since 17, lived together the whole time. Married 7 months ago & now she wants to “focus on herself, and find herself again”. She just moved out on our 6 year anniversary.

We don’t have a kid, or very many worldly possessions. But this is a loss none the less, because I love this woman to pieces. I’m not ready to do this alone yet; I don’t know how to.

After coming to this sub, seeing your post, and reading the comments here; I have hope. You should too, and like most have already said; you can always talk to us bud & I would really enjoy having someone to talk with, especially someone in a similar boat.

Bparker79 · 2019-04-22T18:03:31+00:00

yea...I agree with Assaultcow. I envy how young you whilst going thru this traumatic event...just keep your head up. I promise you, sooner than later, you'll bounce back better than you were before.

It may be scary, and you may feel sick to your stomach atm, but focus on improving yourself. You cannot rely on someone else for your happiness. You gotta be happy within, before you can share this happiness with others. I've been thru 2 tough breakups, one being a divorce in my late 30's (turn 40 this year, separated last year), and I hope you find solitude in this, but my break up during my mid 20's was a breeze compared to my current separation.

Work out, enjoy the things you were NOT able to do while being married. Focus on self-improvement, recognize what led to the divorce and make sure it does not happen in the future with your next. Don't rush in on anything. Find friends to talk to. Stay active. Think positive, and focus on what you DO have going for yourself and work from there. IM me if you have any questions. Not trying to negate what you are going thru by any means, but I'd much rather be in my early 20s going thru divorce than in my late 30s. Best of luck to you

Title	moving on.
Author	throwawayobviouslykh
Upvotes	6
Comments	9
Date	April 17, 2019 12:47 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/be1k7d/moving_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/moving-on.819611 https://theredarchive.com/post/819611

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