Being honest....anyone with kids regret divorce? I don't think I can leave them.

AnthonyRenaud · 2017-08-10T18:07:08+00:00

I am sorry but regret, and missing what could have been is really another aspect of it. The question you should be asking is ? can i thrive and grow as a human being, with someone kicking me in the testicles everyday for 5 - 10 more years, ? and at the very least my emotional testicles,possibly till one of us dies...??? but i will be near my kids...my answer to that was NO, but you gotta make up your own mind, and YES it Hurts emotionally, financially, and spiritually..but it is a process and a journey to find and center oneself, reflect and learn as to not repeat the same mistakes that got you here in the first place, to become better than what you were before.. I wish you well in what ever decision you make, and by the 1st words in your post , it already sounds like you made your decision..

2017-08-30T17:34:35+00:00

Tough question. Here is how I always answer that....you could repair your marriage and have the perfect life. Yeah...she's a bitch, I get it, but marriage is tough and takes both parties working hard to make it work. Ask yourself if you're putting in your share of the effort. OR you can get a divorce and guarantee yourself mountains of shit for years to come. She won't be gone, she'll just have less reason to be nice to you. Every event in your kids lives will be clouded by divorced parents arguing. Will you be happier? Maybe... I guess I'm mostly happier. I just wish more people would have told me how much my kids were hurt from it instead of everyone saying "kids are resilient, they'll be fine!"

owfro · 2017-08-14T11:48:29+00:00

I'm struggling with the same thing, but you have to do what's going to make YOU happy bc your kids will learn how to be an adult by watching you!

Seeing them every other weekend and getting cleaned out are NOT a foregone conclusion. I'm talking to a lawyer today and will be shooting for 50% of everything including custody of our kids. Mine are a bit older so in school 8 hours a day, already planning adjusted work schedule etc.

Will it be hard to figure it all out? Yes! But you can do it man. Since they're young maybe you can get a settlement that includes a gradual build up over the next 6 years towards 50/50 time.

My boss went through a horrible divorce 12 years ago, and since the his wife has filled their 3 kids ears with poison... he's never said a bad thing. Anytime she wanted to use him for child care so she could go out on a date or to Aruba or whatever he said sure.

His daughter just turned 18 and said to him 'dad, I know who mom is, and I know who you are... there's a reason I choose to stay here most of the time'.

Happiness and self control are the only weapons worth using. Fatherhood is a life long game, you can be as involved as you choose!

2017-08-11T22:55:42+00:00

At times, but I'm much happier now. Thing is, kids will model their future relationships on what they've learned, which is their parents. My teenage daughter had picked up the habit of talking to me like her mom did. Considering that, you have to ask yourself if you want your kids to model their relationship behavior after yours. If not, you need to change it one way or another. I went to individual counseling after my divorce, it was great, but a year out I'd be lying if waves of regret don't come over me when my daughter acts like her mom. Overall, they see me happier so hopefully over the next few years they see that. Good luck.

Nonamesfound · 2017-11-26T17:21:17+00:00

Same boat man.

Been married for 10 years, have 2 kids... 2 1/2 and 8 years old.

I’ve been wanted by to leave for about 8 years now.

I only stayed because I love my kids, I’m a great father and she is a terrible mother and spouse.

She’s never been a good spouse, but in the last few years she has had a complete personality change.

She has turned into a horrible human being, the very definition of narcissistic and sociopathic personality disorder.

The thought of having to not see my kids every day and night makes me want to throw up.

But I have too, she’s just an terrible person and I can’t do it anymore.

georgeter · 2017-08-12T20:43:59+00:00

I was asking myself exact same question for many years.

Finally little straw broke a camel's back. I moved out in march.

Divorce is hard on you and on children. But trust me, children adapt. They learn from it. I would not even call it a bad experience. Its life and they need to learn how to live their life to be happy. The more experiences they have the more chances they will have to know what they need to be happy.

You too will be happy eventually. I do not know much about you but trust me, there are a lot of people that are in much worse situation like you ( less money, spouse a drug addict, ... ).

2lovewild · 2017-08-14T20:58:20+00:00

My kids were 3 and 10 when their dad and I separated. Because their dad was very absent from our home life, the custody schedule now requires him to be more "present" when he has the kids. So now my kids have 2 separate happy parents who pay more attention to them. They no longer hear him calling me a bitch every single day or think that it's ok for parents to never date, take weekends to themselves, sleep separate, or hear the emotional abuse junk that he would pull. Yes, I think divorce is hard on kids. Get them counseling, for sure. But the end result is a happier home to raise them in. Also, you likely would get 50% parenting time, though you have to be able to do that school routine...

ABINIDI · 2017-08-20T04:20:28+00:00

Also, you don't want your kids seeing how you and wife act towards each other and think that's how parents and husband and wife should be. They should see two loving parents/adults who show love and respect for each other, something you will more and likely find with someone else. Important thing to remember through all of this is that the kids will always be in your life, and make it the best life for them with what you can control and show them. They are smart and will know that dad loves them, and respects them, and that he can love his new wife the way love should be.

You're not doing them any favors by staying with a broken and or ruined marriage. They pick up on it and will pattern their relationships after it if it keeps up. Give them something great to learn from, meaning a new positive loving respectful marriage some day.

Liveasys · 2017-09-04T04:56:31+00:00

I'm recently divorced, and honestly, my only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner. The longer it goes on, the harder it will be to break free. I stuck with it because I was fearful of how it would affect the kids. It was/is painful at times, but Im now able to be the Dad I want to be. I didn’t feel that while married.

The question to ask is whether you think you’ll be a better Dad on your own. In my case, it was clear. It took a lot of courage to do it, but again, I’m so glad I did. You deserve to be happy. Good luck

idothis4carmoney · 2017-09-20T04:25:24+00:00

You owe it to your kids to live up to your full potential so they can see the true you and have something to model their lives after.

If they watch you getting beaten down throughout their upbringing they might lose respect for you or worse follow your footsteps in their own relationship because that will be all they know.

I'm tellin myself this really.

Title	Being honest....anyone with kids regret divorce? I don't think I can leave them.
Author	QBin2017
Upvotes	9
Comments	20
Date	August 10, 2017 5:36 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/6sux9t/being_honestanyone_with_kids_regret_divorce_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/being-honestanyone-with-kids-regret-divorce-i-dont.820436 https://theredarchive.com/post/820436

Comments