I made my husband angry the other day. The reason isn't of particular importance to the point I want to make, so I'll leave those details out for now.

When my husband is upset with me I often find myself wishing he would just yell at me and get it over with. This situation was certainly no exception. I wanted to fill the silence. Beg for forgiveness. Make him say something, anything.

As I sat there in the horrible silence I realized that I had more respect for him for being the sort of man who doesn't lose his temper. He doesn't roll over and let me get my way, but he doesn't fly off the handle and put me on the defensive. He is truly my rock.

In this sub we often talk about the importance of a good man maintaining frame. Not only does it show stability when a man has control over his emotions, but this method of behavioral modification is more effective. I thought about my exes who would scream and cuss at me, or even throw things when I did something they didn't like. Not only did this chip away at my respect for them, but it caused to me become defensive. I took a stance against them and felt like I had to win. Since the smallest offense warranted almost the same reaction as a serious failing on my part, I learned not to put a whole lot of stock into those arguments. It was just another yelling match.

When my husband gives me the cold shoulder you'd better believe I'm going to be thinking about what I did and how I can be sure to never repeat the behavior that caused it. I'm not angry and only thinking about how I can defend myself. I'm left only to think about whatever mistake I made and reflect on it. Disappointment is a sure way to get me to shape up, where anger may not always get my attention in the same way.

We love our men to be strong leaders because it works. It makes our relationships go more smoothly. Yelling back and forth is not the norm, nor is having circular discussions that don't wind up solving the issue in the name of fairness. He recognizes the rare occasions when raising his voice might be the most effective way to get his point across, when discussing the issue is what needs to be done to fix it, and when he needs to withdraw from me to get me to think about my actions.

I always had a basic understanding about the wonders of male stoicism, but this was the first time the light bulb fully clicked and I realized what a gift it is. I thought that you ladies could relate to this scenario and maybe have some other examples of how your SO's maintaining frame has prevented a potential blowup.