How does a RPW tell her SO that he has hurt or upset her without hurting or upsetting him?

SuperSlavisWife · 2014-10-28T10:22:23+00:00

Don't dig for an apology. I know you want one, and I understand, but maybe he feels he did nothing wrong, or he feels the harm done isn't worth an apology? And sometimes his apology won't feel "sincere enough" or "serious enough" for the offence and you'll remain angry anyway. Expecting an apology is a bit like holding hopes for that special Christmas present as a kid.

Instead, tell him how you feel.

In cases where you want to tell him after the event has passed: Wait until you're both calm and content, but not doing anything serious. With Jon it's usually after a meal, or when we put on a film and cuddle. We have nothing else to concentrate on and we're both happy. Start out by telling him that you'd just like to discuss something and that you don't mean to be rude by it, but to please hear you out.

In cases directly after the event: Again, say you aren't meaning to be rude and bring up the event and explain why it upset you.

The only thing that is required is that he understand. That is all. If he apologizes, if he promises to try and never do it again, if he wants to make it up to you: great! He saw what you meant and agreed that it was a bigger problem to you than he'd assumed. You're now on the same page, which is always a wonderful feeling. Now is the time to hug him, tell him he doesn't have to make it up and go back to normal. If he doesn't apologize: listen to what he has to say, to his perspective. Ask yourself how rational and calm you could have been, if he doesn't understand. Hear him out and make sure you're on the same page. Sometimes you will just agree to disagree. If you're polite and calm about it, he may make an effort not to do such a thing anyway.

Expecting an apology could disappoint you. Demanding one is rude. Simply strive to make him understand your perspective and then reach the natural conclusion between you that both of you want to reach. And then, if you get an apology it's a relieving moment. Above all, be grateful for his response, whatever it is, even if you disagree. It shows you something.

After all, relationships are a lot more like a harmonious, (hopefully) lifelong business plan than anything else.

mrp3anut · 2014-10-27T19:52:06+00:00

This smells like a concern troll but I'll bite.

If you are being truthful in your description of how you address things then keep doing what you're doing

Skichick · 2014-10-27T20:44:57+00:00

What has made you genuinely hurt and/or upset in the past? Since it happens so rarely, I'm guessing that you still remember the details?

TheTerrorSquad · 2014-10-27T20:22:32+00:00

I think "expecting an apology" is a very agressive approach to resolving an issue. What if there is a genuine "agree to disagree" situation do you expect an apology for not agreeing with you? Therefore i'd really need examples of the type of things youre upset ove because that is really the only way of knowing how to answer this. Some men wont be dictated too which is what youre doing when you expect an apology

[deleted] · 2014-10-27T20:05:28+00:00

you make it sound like verbal/emotional abuse. if it's really that bad, then part ways

otherwise, trust your captain. it's likely he's the type that carries himself properly and makes deliberate actions. he is still WITH you. let that speak how he really feels about you

edit: whoops this is RPW...

TempestTcup · 2014-10-27T20:27:04+00:00

Figure out what you want to say and make it short. The one thing that drives my husband nuts is when I go on and on and on about stuff. That's when he gets short with me; usually when I'm explaining why I was hurt or annoyed or whatever.

Try to distill what upset you into a single sentence and leave any explanation out of the equation. Say "It hurt my feelings yesterday when you said _____" and then STFU. No matter what he says, don't mention it again unless he asks "why?" and then have a one sentence answer.

If he still has a bad reaction then you might want to reconsider whether you want to stay in this relationship.

[deleted] · 2014-10-27T22:25:40+00:00

[permanently deleted]

[deleted] · Mon Oct 27 22:38:10 2014 UTC

[permanently deleted]

misslovelace · 2014-10-28T09:09:29+00:00

I've been having this problem and have yet to feel confident enough to make a post about it. I understand wanting an apology but demanding it doesn't feel real. Maybe you should explain coherently why you are hurt and ask what you can do to handle situations like this in the future? I don't know if that's the red pill response. On the one hand, he should know that apologizing is a courteous thing to do on the other, he's the boss.

Edit: Fixed grammar and pronoun usage.

Title	How does a RPW tell her SO that he has hurt or upset her without hurting or upsetting him?
Author	Skichick
Upvotes	8
Comments	38
Date	October 27, 2014 7:37 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/2khre7/how_does_a_rpw_tell_her_so_that_he_has_hurt_or/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-does-a-rpw-tell-her-so-that-he-has-hurt-or.84980 https://theredarchive.com/post/84980

Comments