Are there any other Autism Spectrum ladies here?

rpnub · 2015-05-20T17:08:37+00:00

It's interesting that you bring up Asperger's, TRP, and relationships.

My boyfriend is an Aspie and follows TRP. Actually, he was the one who turned me on to it, which led me to seek out the female version and it's how I ended up here.

My boyfriend (aged 31) has had a very interesting relationship history. His longest relationship was three months. I think a lot of that has to do with his Asperger's. As an Aspie, he thrives on structure and routine. Many of the women he dated, even in his blue pill days, were always trying to change him or wanted to rush to get married after a few months of dating. The benefit of his Asperger's is that he never found himself staying in realtionships that were past their expiration date.

When we were intitially getting to know each other and he told me that his longest relationship was three months, I admit, it was a red flag for me so I was very cautious in the first few weeks of dating, expecting that at any moment he would cut me loose.

It was probably a little over a month after we started dating and became exclusive he admitted he has Asperger's. As soon as he told me, I could immediately tell he regretted it.

Right after he told me, he went to take a shower and during those twenty minutes, I started Googling people's experiences with dating and being in a relationship with someone who has Asperger's and what it meant to have it. Turns out I was already doing all the right things and a lot of his nuances made more sense.

Between his admission and my research and quite frankly, this sub, is what has made our relationship thrive over the past 14+ months. I make it a point to understand him, or at least try to. I make sure to be his soft place to land and I let him be who is. As an Apsie, sometimes he goes off on a speech about certain topics and I can tell he has a hard time stopping himself. I can hear the anxiety in his voice and see the subtle panic in his face. So I let him go at it until he gets tired. I don't mentally check out. I listen and ask questions so it feels more like a dialogue and that usually helps him calm down and end his monologue.

While there are some negatives to his Asperger's like missing cues and those speeches, overall it's been a positive thing. I've had to learn to be direct with him. In return, I appreciate his honesty; I don't have to wonder if he's holding back. Additionally, I don't have to worry about him being unfaithful either. I mean, if he's unhappy he will say something and if the relationship isn't working, he's not going to stick around as his history has shown. We will just break up. He doesn't handle highly stressful situations well and trying to balance two women would be on that list of highly stressful.

Other than that, we have a very good relationship; he's an excellent captain and I'm a pretty good first officer.

I think negative versus positive about being in a relationship with an Aspie is in the beholder. Some people can roll with being in a relationship with an Aspie and others can't. It's just like any other trait in a person. You have to ask yourself, can you accept this about a person or not?

wifeintraining · 2015-05-20T01:14:02+00:00

Yes, my boyfriend and I both have Asperger's. We're both very socially awkward but we understand each other very well. Both male and female nature are really hard for me to understand, which is actually why RP appealed to me, things are explained really logically. Also, certain things that may bother a neurotypical girl don't really bother me: I'd be fine with my boyfriend having a plate, for instance (not that most AS women would be! it's just a personal example.)

I tend to be a perfectionist also, which leads to me being obsessively focused on fixing one thing and ignoring the big picture. If I have a trouble, I tend to make graphs and lists of how to tackle it. I really like rules and structure and everything like that basically.

As for whether it's good or bad... I don't know. I'd say it's pretty neutral. There are good things, and there are bad things. I'm here to tone down the bad and use the good.

TheLadyPainter · 2015-05-21T02:19:14+00:00

Asperger's here. It's made past relationships difficult. I used to tell people upfront. They'd give me the old "but you seem so normal," and then they would get mad when I did something that I didn't understand was wrong/weird. But I've learned a lot from these relationships about how to behave normally and read body language/read between the lines.

I'm reluctant to list any positive traits from it, because a lot of the positive traits can be attributed to NT (neurotypical) people as well. I am passionate about what I do, and people respond well to my energy in the art world. I am able analyze things at a very impersonal level, which I've found to be a useful skill.

One thing that I do is I have this habit of making little noises. I've been told I'm like a cartoon character? Irono. But he finds my silly voices and little noises utterly adorable. He's said it's part of why he likes me so much. :)

Unfortunately, I get tired of socializing very easily; it takes a lot of effort for me to be out of my own mind and working to flow with others. This is true with everyone, even my SO. I need a lot of time by myself - if I don't get it, I get more and more anxious until I start crying for no reason. He doesn't understand it and it's the main point of contention in our relationship. I need time where I'm not looking at my phone for a few hours and I'm focusing on my own thing...

I've been good lately about breaking habits - perfectionism, rudeness, assuming things about people. My brain is always a work in progress, just like everything else in life. Ehhhh. I dunno. I feel like I've lost track of my own comment so I'm gonna shut up.

Hitman359 · 2015-05-22T19:28:31+00:00

Hi, I am on the autism spectrum and my fiance is not autistic. Basically I have to do a lot of explaining, self advocacy and also get him to read some books about it.

It has been a bit of a long process because it involves reading a lot of books and he's dyslexic. But don't lose hope. Like all relationships it takes work.

FWIW, I do not thinking trying to act "normal" or trying to read "cues" is productive for folks on the spectrum. It's like being in the closet about being gay, I guess. i think a huge part of relationships is about learning to get along with each other as we are

2015-05-20T09:38:28+00:00

My ex was on the spectrum, it came with its difficulties but ultimately it fell into the list of better traits, I like that we could just be straightforward with each other.

In the end though my inability to communicate in ways he understood and to make him feel understood played a heavy part in our breaking up. I do really hope he finds someone better suited to dealing with it, it must be really incredibly difficult to feel so isolated from everyone else.

Title	Are there any other Autism Spectrum ladies here?
Author	hotcaulk
Upvotes	22
Comments	12
Date	May 19, 2015 11:33 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/36k2nr/are_there_any_other_autism_spectrum_ladies_here/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/are-there-any-other-autism-spectrum-ladies-here.85384 https://theredarchive.com/post/85384

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