Dear RPW ladies,

This is my first post on the forum but I fully intend on being an active participant and am hopeful to gain self improvement by being here.

I want to begin with adding to this that I have been dumped and the purpose of this discussion is not to gain this relationship back, but to change as a person.

I will begin by formatting my story in the way that is outlined by the mods:

My problem is that I have been in a four year loving relationship, with an amazing man, and I have cheated on him for the past year. I kissed two guys and I had sex with another man. The man I had sex with I found on tinder. I need to be completely honest here with you ladies and myself. I lied to him, cheated, and talked to other guys. This is my fault and I take accountability.

My faults would be that I run away when faced with pain, fear, and reality. I have struggled with honesty for the better part of my adolescence (I am now 27 years old). And can be completely honest in admitting that it is only recently I am making an active effort to change this. I created these issues by allowing fears to consume me. and I created these issues by utilizing what I believe is referred to as "hampstering" to feel better about these situations.

I think the problem manifested because both of us slowly became unhappy in the relationship. It has been long distance(I had to move to another country for some time to pursue medical school), truly challenging, and at times exhausting. My unhappiness stemmed from incompatability with my partner in terms of vast differences in our approach to social situations, and for a while I tried to convince myself that we would mold.

Steps taken to try and resolve this situation include facing the men on TPR and hearing their perspective. I did this for my partner (we are in a gray area right now of course due to my actions). He wanted me to hear what they had to say to begin the process of swallowing the red pill, and no longer running away from reality. I agreed and so it began. I had to delete this post as it was tied to a social media account that had my full name and location. You will find the man in this situation commented on that below. I am sharing everything and taking full responsibility here.

This has been an issue over the course of this past year.

I do not believe I am making a mountain out of a mole hill. I have done the worst thing anyone in a relationship can do, infedility. If another woman I didn't care for expressed this to me and her desire to change I would be inclined to hear her out.

Of the vast issues we have, the bedroom hasn't been a problem. We have amazing chemistry and outstanding sex. I can't say that I tend to his needs emotionally as I hurt him deeply.

So ladies, I am finally facing this reality. I want to swallow the pill, and I want to change. I thought this forum of amazingly strong women could help me find a way. Please comment in any way you can. I appreciate it so much.