My [M39] ex [F37] wife/colleague cost me everything. Lost home, job, income, reputation, relationship overnight from her narcasisstic smear campaign.

HisDrunk · 2020-02-16T09:45:23+00:00

Remember kids, never get married and never sign a paper that binds you to a woman

Ketsuni · 2020-02-16T05:09:44+00:00

I'm glad you've spoken to a therapist and hope that means you're getting treatment; there's a lot of confusion and emotions in situations like this and it's helpful to have someone to navigate through them.

For similar experiences, one of my friends had a mom that was like that. Very controlling, but also very out of control. The mom would spread lies about them; make family and friends think they were uncaring. She would threaten suicide or blame my friend for the terrible things that would happen if they didn't do something small, like pick up the phone... one time they actually attempted suicide and let my friend know that they were the reason why.

It sounds like you are further past your relationship than my friend (thank goodness!), but I'm going to pass along what I've told them: Understand that none of this is your fault. You did everything in your power; went above and beyond... and this person took advantage of that. Whether it's your fault or not (and trust me, it is not), you're not going to be able to "help" anyone if you can't take care of yourself. You need to understand when YOU are not ok, and be able to take a step back for yourself.

My friend doesn't know it, but I hope that having these periods of distance builds some clarity for them. Sometimes when you're in a situation for too long, you just come to accept/normalize it. I guess the tl;dr would be to take time for yourself, and to never be so invested in "helping" someone that it comes at your own detriment.

Parents on planes are told to secure their own oxygen mask before securing their child's; bystanders at the beach are told not to jump after a drowner... never be afraid to put your own well-being 1st.

SPoopa83 · 2020-02-16T05:56:03+00:00

Record the outbursts! Video is best. If your partner tries to spread rumors or involve the police - get those recordings out on social media, to both of your family members and friends and the police.

Rolaid-Tommassi · 2020-02-16T08:20:33+00:00

Absolutely have had this experience. Good on you for being open about it. I hope you don't get flak from people on here as I did when I shared my story. You sound like a sensible and strong guy. Good luck mate.

JimiStark · 2020-02-16T09:25:51+00:00

Thank you for speaking out, brother. Your experience will hopefully save another.

We men take a lot of crap.

We need to build each other up and make better ways for ourselves.

trprep · 2020-02-16T10:29:38+00:00

Know signs of an abusive relationship and when those emerge, step away immediately before things escalate

This is absolutely key, you have to learn how to catch on early and have the strength to exit because things are going too well, in a sense, but that's hard to find the line on. You're still going to want to believe on some level that maybe this one is different, maybe this is actually real, but if you know the signs of a personality disorder and recognize that they are idealizing you more than loving you, or setting you up as a love object rather than a loved person, you know things are eventually going to head south and do serious damage. I've been getting good at it but it's still a mind fuck every time it happens, even if it's limited, and brings back the previous trauma I got from a relationship that never got nearly as bad as yours but still did a number on me.

RedPillVegas · 2020-02-16T12:00:02+00:00

Yes, it all sounds very familiar. Best piece of advice is literally ‘no contact’ with personality disordered people. Narcissists and borderlines are famous for their ability to ‘love bomb’ their victims to keep them coming back for more. That’s the toughest part - accepting it’s not real love or affection - just a ploy. Once you stop playing their game then the claws come out. Just be far away when it happens.

Revorob · 2020-02-16T12:40:54+00:00

You can summarise this post in one sentence: Don't put your dick in crazy.

anirudhz567 · 2020-02-16T04:33:13+00:00

I don't know if you wanna hear it now; but you need to go your own way. Take the RED PILL 💊 brother. Females are the Worst to deal with these days. Stay away, Stay Safe. Go MGTOW ↗️. You need to go to this > r/MGTOW

2020-02-16T05:22:01+00:00

Hes past were all lies to justify anything against you.

1Badshot · 2020-02-16T11:46:09+00:00

My dad always said:

Girlfriends are great. Wives are terrible.

If you had kept her a girlfriend there is no way she could have kept all of her crazy at bay ling enough to trap you.

nonchalantfool · 2020-02-16T04:16:09+00:00

I'd advise going on the now quarantined mgtow reddit

magnetar777 · 2020-02-16T15:51:51+00:00

Dude, she isn't narcissistic, she is possibly Borderline personality disorder. I had 2 of them in my life before I fled and this is a common story. I am NOT a psychologist- look up BPD and see if the signs match what you experienced. It is important because many people with this are incapable of introspection, so the chances she will get better with therapy are very low- she doesn't see there is anything wrong with her and therefore will not start or continue therapy- so the behavior continues. The only sad consolation for you is that she will be miserable with EVERY MAN IN HER LIFE after you- they will all fail and for the same reason it failed for you. Be strong my brother.

jp_mra · 2020-02-17T00:11:17+00:00

Wait 1 year before marriage.
Record everything once things go crazy.
Make copies of her psychiatric evaluations to show to judge/employer.

MilManShow · 2020-02-16T14:19:12+00:00

Ah yes, there it is. Right up top.... The usual excuse for being a Maniac Vagendaist "therapy". As soon as you hear this word, you run. FAST.... And NEVER be around a female with out numerous witnesses as they can not be trusted. NONE of them. Sorry but that is how it is now.

Title	My [M39] ex [F37] wife/colleague cost me everything. Lost home, job, income, reputation, relationship overnight from her narcasisstic smear campaign.
Author	ThrowRA_Chaos
Upvotes	66
Comments	16
Date	February 16, 2020 3:31 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/f4ku9m/my_m39_ex_f37_wifecolleague_cost_me_everything/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/my-m39-ex-f37-wifecolleague-cost-me-everything.858849 https://theredarchive.com/post/858849

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