I met my boyfriend 4 years ago when we were both working for the same company in Japan. He is Australian, I am Italian. I've been living in Australia for the last 1.5 years. I am here on a partner visa.
I am currently 3 months pregnant and I thought we were both happy. However, I only just found out that he's been having an affair with a coworker for the last 6 months. At first he denied it but I had proof so he changed to begging me for forgiveness and that we could work it out and all this bullshit. But I don't want to. I'm done. I don't want to be with a cheater. I broke up with him and already moved into an Airbnb. I'm planning on going back to Italy because I have nothing here apart from my pos ex. I let him know today. He flipped out and told me I can't do that. He said I'd be kidnapping our child and that I'm not allowed to leave. But I've made up my mind. I already talked to my parents and I can live with them until I have figured everything out. I'll likely get my old high paying job back so I'm not worried.
However, all of my ex's friends have been texting and calling me all day saying I'm a pos for stealing his baby and that they will take legal action. I don't think they can and I wouldn't be allowed to stay anyway since I'm on a partner visa and this partnership doesn't exist anymore.
AITA for going home?
Update:
Unfortunately the mods wouldn't let me post an update post but I'm hoping that some of you still find this if you are interested.
Many of you wanted an update so here it goes.
I left Australia the day after my first post and I'm in Italy now. I'm staying with my family. Thanks to the good connections my friends have I got a good job at the very company I worked for before I moved to Japan.
At first I thought I'd keep the baby but after a lot of thinking I decided I would abort it. It had to happen rather quickly as I was running out of time so I had the abortion today in Switzerland. I'm doing okay. This morning I sent a text to my ex letting him know about the procedure and when I checked my phone after it was done it was full of missed calls, texts dripping with abuse and threats that he would come to Italy to stop me. So yeah I made the right decision. Nothing ties me to this man anymore. I feel weirdly free but numb at the same time. But I'm determined to start over.
Lastly, I would like to thank everyone who sent me encouraging messages or even offered their help. I do really appreciate this so much. I hope you understand that I didn't message you back but I was so busy getting out. I will forever remember the internet strangers who were willing to help me out. To the people who called me a whore and said the world would be better off if I got hit by a bus, I forgive you.
[–]14b755fe39 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
From his POV: - Cheating is not a justification for kidnapping an child to be, If the child was born it wouldn't be ethical for her to fly away with the kid to Italy, she has the biological upper hand and is abusing it.
From her POV: - He cheated and kept cheating on her knowing she was pregnant with his child. He is at fault for fucking up the entire situation.
[–]GingerRazz[S] 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
I'm going to be honest. I read very little of this. I understand she has issues, but I saw a few NTA comments at the front and nothing relating to the man's feelings about his child being acknowledged and tapped out.
To me, this seems an example of societal scorn for Father's rights. I wanted to ask some courageous MRAs to read the thread and discuss because I don't have the fortitude to dog deeper.
[–]AkariSarzul 4 points5 points6 points (3 children) | Copy Link
From what I read he has drug problems so
[–]GingerRazz[S] 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
That's fair. I didn't get that deep. At the same time, does alleged drug problems justify the actions of stopping his parental rights he should have without due process?
I'm not saying one way or another, but I do know that drug problems seldom lead to a mother having parental rights revoked.
[–]perplexedm 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
Well, she decided to get pregnant such such a person.
She may also have her own issues which we don't know.
That should not be primary concern here.
[–]Tank-o-grad 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
If you actually read what she's written in the post and in answer to follow up questions (and if we presume it true for the sake of argument) the situation is complex and gut wrenching and leaves her with little other option. She's not a citizen of the country he is in, she has leave to remain their only as his partner, she found out he cheated on her and so doesn't want to be his partner any more and she hasn't had the kid yet.
I'm all for father's rights, I wouldn't be here if I wasn't, but we surely cannot advocate for anyone to be held in a relationship in a foreign land against their will regardless of their sex, otherwise we become to sort of hypocrites that we are fighting against.
Longer term both she and he need to work out what his future relationship with the child will be, and given they are from opposite sides of the world that is going to be complicated by logistics, but right at this point her going home seems to be the best of a bad bunch of options, sadly for everyone involved.
[–]HumanzDisgustMe 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
No honey you are a real fucking gem.