the amount of comments that says "sit down and talk to her" or "why didn't you stop it" is gross.

AskingToFeminists · 2019-10-23T15:11:54+00:00

The basis of bdsm is trust. You have a safeword, and trust that it will be respected, and that is what allow you and your partner to enjoy things. Ignoring a safeword is destroying that trust, and, to most people, should be an instant deal-breaker. Many would call that rape, and at the very least it falls under sexual assault.

Now, I am not surprised by the fact that people are saying things like "just go talk to her" or "why did you go along then?". Most people only have a very tenuous understanding of BDSM. And beside, the guy seem to be reluctant to end things with her. I might advise him to, if he really don't want to leave, talk to her, put things very clearly about how he felt, and see how she react. That might be giving her a chance to manipulate him, or that might just be some kind of misunderstanding that needed that to be fixed. We don't know anything about the relationship and the people involved beyond this incident, and if he really don't want to leave, I would tell him that this kind of behavior should be a massive red flag, that he should be extra warry, and that at the very least, he should use his safeword more often, to see how she reacts, and either get her used to him using it a lot and having to respect it, or leave the second she shows any sign of trying to ignore it again.

Personally, one case of a safeword being ignored is enough to destroy my trust in that person irreparably. But I am not the poster and am not privy to everything surrounding that incident.

Lunaticular · 2019-10-22T10:58:33+00:00

Sorry but in this case I agree. They have been together for three years after all. And he did play along. She shouldn’t have ignored the safe word of course but this doesn’t immediately mean break up and call the police or whatever it is you think this means. I’d say this if the genders were reversed too,

mtcapri · 2019-10-22T12:39:50+00:00

The fact that she ignored the safe word is concerning, but to me, the really sad/scary thing in the comments is the number of people calling this rape. Rape has gotten so diluted as a word, that now you're raped if someone simply continues to have sex with you after a simple 'no,' even though you continue to go along with it and put up no further resistance.

Title	the amount of comments that says "sit down and talk to her" or "why didn't you stop it" is gross.
Author	cute-trap
Upvotes	44
Comments	21
Date	October 22, 2019 5:46 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/dldgni/the_amount_of_comments_that_says_sit_down_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/the-amount-of-comments-that-says-sit-down-and-talk.866496 https://theredarchive.com/post/866496

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